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Tyranny of the Comparing Mind

Tyranny of the Comparing Mind

Eric tries on a new shirt and looks at himself in the mirror. “I don’t like the way I look in this,” he tells his partner, Jason. “You look fine,”…

Swimming in the River of Blah Blah

Swimming in the River of Blah Blah

Whenever my friend Aaron finds himself lost in habitual and unproductive thoughts, he describes himself as “swimming in the river of blah blah.” Buddhists call this river papanca, or “mental…

Holy Deadlock

Holy Deadlock

In my last column I shared the startling finding, by couples researcher John Gottman, that fully 69% of the conflicts that couples have in relationships are never resolved. Relationships survive,…

You Have to Change So I Can Love You

You Have to Change So I Can Love You

After years of searching, you find “the one” and merge with each other in what seems like perfect love. But, after a little time passes, you begin to notice the…

Assertiveness and Basic Rights

Assertiveness and Basic Rights

Q: It got back to me in my office a while ago that my co-workers have a nickname for me – “Doormat Dan.” That hurt and embarrassed me, but I…

Should I Divorce My Family?

Should I Divorce My Family?

Q: I told my parents I was a lesbian ten years ago and have been with my wife for eight years. My parents refused to come to our wedding, and,…

Materialism Is Misery

Materialism Is Misery

The holiday spending orgy — with its images of frenzied “consumers” fighting and trampling each other to get their hands on all that great stuff they had to have —…

Build Immunity to Guilt-tripping

Build Immunity to Guilt-tripping

In every culture there are people and institutions that deliberately work to instill guilt in people. The reason is easy to understand. Those who feel guilty are easier to dominate,…

The Value of a Tired, Old Custom

The Value of a Tired, Old Custom

By Tom Moon, MFT One of the reasons that many people don’t get what they want out of life is that they’re not specific and clear with themselves about just…

The SAD Season

The SAD Season

By Tom Moon, MFT Many of the people I see in my therapy practice are now showing the characteristic signs of Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD is depression that usually begins…

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