By Stuart Gaffney–
Over the past few months, we’ve been busy cleaning out my mom’s condo since she died. My mom had a great fashion sense and kept herself feeling young even in her later decades not only by acting young, but also by dressing according to current trends and pulling it off with style. Dressing on the outside the way she felt on the inside was vital to her. John, my siblings, and I carted countless pieces of clothes to charities, including one designed to help economically-disadvantaged women to have free clothing to wear to job interviews as they re-enter the labor market.
We would’ve loved having something nearby like the new nonprofit Transform Cincy, founded by Nancy Dawson and her friend Tristan Vaught in Cincinnati, Ohio. Dawson, who runs a successful bridal makeup business called BRIDEface, is the proud parent of a transgender daughter, Phoebe, who came out to her family as transgender at age 10. As Dawson told NBC’s Today show, “as soon as we started recognizing Phoebe as Phoebe, she really blossomed.”
However, they soon realized “there wasn’t a safe space we could go and just try on dresses, skirts, without being judged or looked at.” Then one day, Dawson saw a social media post from her friend Vaught, saying that instead of doing “gender reveal” baby showers, people should do “showers for people who are transitioning.” A dream was born.
Together with Dawson’s other daughter Ella, they created Transform Cincy, a safe space where trans youth can build a new wardrobe at no cost, housed at the storefront where Dawson operates BRIDEface. Daughter Phoebe explained to Today how important being able to dress in accord with one’s gender identity was: “When I first started wearing clothes that … matched my identity, it was really affirming. And it felt like I could express outwardly how I felt on the inside.”
When trans youth contact Transform, they answer a few questions to help Ella, who serves as the stylist. She curates a session just for them, and then when they arrive in person, outfits are waiting for them to try on.
Perhaps not surprisingly, Transform has become far more than just a place for trans youth to find clothes that are a great match for them; it has evolved into a safe space where trans teens can find support. Transform’s first client, 17-year-old Elliot Reed, told National Public Radio: “It made me feel so accepted and validated.” A 15-year-old told Today after their recent visit, “ … today was just so totally awesome; you feel so loved and welcomed when you’re at Transform. They choose clothes specifically for you and your identity, and it’s so validating, walking out with a new part of yourself.”
Nancy recounted to Today the story of a teen who had driven three hours from a small town to Transform. The teen “had never met another trans person in her life, and neither had her mom, so it was so great to give them that support.” Indeed, the Transform experience provides support for both parents and children. As Ella told Today, “They’re getting a lot more than clothing. A lot of the times, the parents need somebody to talk to; they need somebody that understands, because a lot of times this is a big journey for the parents as well as the kids.”
In explaining the need for places like Transform, cofounder Vaught told local television station WCPO, “Can you imagine when you’re transitioning, trying to go to a department store and where do you go to actually change?” In California, Assembly Member Evan Low introduced state legislation last month requiring retail department stores with over 500 employees to maintain an undivided, gender inclusive area of its sales floor where children’s clothes, toys, and childcare items that have “traditionally been marketed for either girls or for boys [are] displayed.” The bill serves to help enable children to develop and express themselves free from constraining gender norms and thus helps all children, not just trans youth. We hope that it is part of a movement to free all consumers from restrictive gender constraints and biases in clothes and other products.
Tragically, Dawson received a cancer diagnosis late last year that will likely cut her life short soon, and her daughters will have to grow up further and live without her. However, Dawson told Today that she sees “Transform as being one of my legacies along with my children.” Everyone will miss her greatly, but Transform will continue. As donations grow and demand increases, Transform will need to grow soon as well—into a larger storefront. Vaughn described Dawson as “truly a light. Her energy, her passion, her courage is still going to be seen throughout each person we see here.”
We can’t help but remember another bright Cincinnati area trans teen whose light was never allowed to shine: Leelah Alcorn. Six years ago, Leelah committed suicide, leaving a gut-wrenching social media post describing her despair. In it, she described how she had been raised in a very conservative Christian environment and when she came out to her mom as transgender at age 14, her parents reacted very negatively and undertook a series of actions the resulted in her hating herself and descending into isolation: “No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.” In the note, Leelah pleads for societal change: “The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights.”
Dawson and everyone else at Tranform Cincy are not only helping to save trans youth from suicide, but are also helping trans youth to flourish as their own people. They and other caring people across the country are working to make Leelah’s vision a reality. Let’s all join them.
Stuart Gaffney and John Lewis, together for over three decades, were plaintiffs in the California case for equal marriage rights decided by the California Supreme Court in 2008. Their leadership in the grassroots organization Marriage Equality USA contributed in 2015 to making same-sex marriage legal nationwide.
Published on March 12, 2020
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