By Michele Karlsberg–
Michele Karlsberg: Sebastian Stuart has published 9 novels. The list includes a national bestseller published in eight languages, and a New York Times bestseller. His novel The Hour Between was an NPR Season’s Readings selection and won the Ferro-Grumley Award as best LGBT novel of the year. As a playwright he was dubbed “the poet laureate of the East Village” by Michael Musto in The Village Voice. His work has been seen at La Mama, the Public Theater, the Kitchen, and other venues, and he has won grants from the Edward Albee Foundation and the Jerome Foundation. His screenplays have been optioned by Lee Grant, Sondra Locke, and others. The following is an excerpt from Sebastian Stuart’s recently published What Wasn’t I Thinking? – A Memoir of Rebellion, Madness and my Mother. This excerpt follows Sebastian on his misadventures in 1960s San Francisco:
One day I ran to catch the Powell Street cable car and hopped on board. An odd-looking gay guy—he was wearing thick black glasses because of a walleye—said to me, all pissy, “You’d be sexy but you walk too fast. Walking fast is not sexy.”
The following Saturday I went up to Haight Street and practiced my new walk—long and slow with some side-to-side hip action. I hadn’t gone a block when a handsome light-skinned Black man, who looked about forty, approached me, “You have a sexy walk.”
“I’m trying.”
He laughed. He had a gorgeous smile. There was some definite heat. “My name is Eddie.”
“Sebastian.”
“Cool name. Wanna head into the park and smoke a joint on Hippie Hill?”
“Definitely.”
Hippie Hill, a short walk from the entrance to Golden Gate Park, was an iconic landmark of the 60s. It was jammed with drumming circles, Hare Krishnas, stoned hippie chicks dancing topless with their eyes closed, guitar players, trippers, and dopers. If you looked more closely, you’d also see bleary homeless teen addicts under the trees, skinny and sallow, their forlorn mutts asleep beside them, and lecherous old men ogling the half-naked chicks.
We sat on the hill, Eddie took out a joint and we smoked. He was one charming guy, with a ready smile and a devilish twinkle in his eye. I moved a little closer to him.
“I’m from New York City. What about you?”
“I’m from right here. My dad is a judge. And right now he is surely judging me. You see, I have a wife and two kids.”
“And you left them?”
“Yup. I realized I was getting older and it was now or never. That’s the long version. The short version is I want to go straight to hell.” He smiled again, “Want to come with me?”
I shrugged.
And off we went.
Eddie had friends all over the city and we visited them in his big blue Pontiac. We usually all ended up in bed. Eddie shot both heroin and speed and was forever imploring me to join him. I resisted. Then one day, in some unknown apartment, he said, “I have something new.”
“What’s that?”
He took out a little piece of folded glassine paper and opened it to show me a white powder. “This is pure medical-grade methamphetamine.”
I’d hung out with enough speed freaks to know about the clenched jaw, the paranoia, the rank sweat, and the mile-a-minute all-night yak fests. “Maybe not for me.”
“Oh, come on, sweet boy.” He put a hand on the back of my neck and kissed me. We made out and I melted. “Eddie wouldn’t steer you wrong, we’ll have us some fun. We’re not junkies, baby, we’re just cats digging life, liberty, and the pursuit of a high.” He kissed me again.
I felt a tug-of-war inside my psyche. On one side was doubt, on the other was dare. Hey-hey-hey, get high, baby, get high whispered the devil on my shoulder. He was such a seductive little f—-er.” (Editor’s Note: According to the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner in San Francisco, drug overdoses resulted in more than 700 deaths in the city last year, with 2021 on course for having a record number. Should you find yourself in a situation similar to that of Sebastian, please resist the temptation to take this and similar drugs. Bay Area Substance Abuse Resources: https://tinyurl.com/ddtyayb2 )
Sebastian Stuart has written over a score of original e-books, as well as travel guides, business books, fundraisers—and a cookbook! He lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts, with his partner of 30 years, novelist Stephen McCauley.
Michele Karlsberg Marketing and Management specializes in publicity for the LGBTQ+ community. This year, Karlsberg celebrates 32 years of successful marketing campaigns. For more information: https://www.michelekarlsberg.com
Published on July 29, 2021
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