By Dr. Tim Seelig –
While reading the proverbial tea leaves, I noticed I have fewer of them these days! Recently, I’ve found myself thinking more about the end of life. These thoughts are no doubt normal when approaching three quarters of a century. My thoughts are never in a gloomy, organ-music-playing-softly way. I don’t really like organ music. The dang algorhythm gods have me pegged and send only memory and weight loss ads my way! A few specific things prompted me to undertake this recent reflection.
First, as you know, I started conducting a chorus of Q-plus elders and allies. The average age of our 80 singers is 70. We’re fabulous, funny, and wise—but also realistic. We’re all acutely aware that concerts aren’t the only thing we’re preparing for.
Second, my husband, Bobby Jo, recently sang at a benefit concert for Swan Songs, an extraordinary organization that arranges musical performances for people at the very end of their lives. In a person’s last days, musicians show up at their bedside to asking a person’s favorite songs, whatever those are. It’s free, personal, and achingly beautiful. Talk about sending someone off in style. It certainly made me think about what music I might choose at the end of my life. That is a complete article.
Then there’s my most recent gig. I was asked to be the on-air “talent” for the Oregon Humane Society’s new webinar series about taking care of end-of-life things—estate planning, wills, trusts, and the like. Think of it as a crash course in “getting your ducks (or cats) in a row.” All of this is ultimately about peace of mind and avoiding unnecessary drama, such as who gets the rooster-themed ceramics that adorned every corner of grandma’s kitchen.
I learned a great deal from the webinar. One of the important messages was that estate planning does not require you to be wealthy. You don’t have to own an estate or a yacht. It’s just about where you want your stuff to go. If you have a yacht, call me. I have the river.
The next part is a bit technical. I’ll try to leave out the stuff you already know and add only a few things I learned. First, everyone needs three essential documents—the starter pack. You can now complete all these tasks online for a fairly nominal charge.
1. Power of Attorney—someone to handle things if you can’t.
2. Medical Directive—someone to make health choices if you can’t.
3. Last Will and Testament—Who gets the stuff ?
Without a will, the state gets to decide who gets what. Nobody wants that. A will is straightforward but goes through probate, which is a fancy word for “a year-long, expensive, public legal process.” A trust skips all that. Think of it this way: a will is like leaving directions to the state; a trust is like handing your chosen person a box of your belongings and saying, “Here’s my plan and thank you.”
I learned that designating beneficiaries is the ex-factor. Stay with me. You’ve probably named a beneficiary of retirement accounts, insurance, or bank funds. The kicker? Beneficiary designations override your will. What? If your will says everything goes to your current spouse, but your 20-year-old life insurance policy still lists your ex, well, guess who gets the payout? Hint: it won’t be your spouse, and it won’t go over well at Thanksgiving. Moral of the story? Review those forms regularly. Add a reminder to your calendar, if necessary.
One of the biggest myths is, “Once I’ve made a plan, I’m set for life.” Nice try. Your plan is not a “set it and forget it” situation. Life changes. People move, die, fall out of favor, or suddenly develop an obsession with conspiracy theories. Keep your plans refreshed. My father, who didn’t have many assets as a former Baptist preacher, kept his attorney on speed dial so he could make changes depending on which child or grandchild called him that week! He was a planner. He had printed “brochures” ready for distribution at his funeral. My friend Dan noticed he had beautiful photos of his horses, but had forgotten to include his children. Oops. Back to the drawing board. It can all be amended.
Most importantly, don’t forget your pets. Pets can’t inherit money or property directly (sorry, Bucky). You can leave funds to a caregiver who has agreed to take responsibility for your pet(s). Leaving the caretaker and name of your pet(s) in your will ensures your pet gets the food, toys, treats, and Halloween costumes they need. Bucky’s toy of choice is a stuffed lamb that squeaks. He believes one should always be available. His health insurance is better than mine.
In all of this—whether it’s estate planning, end-of-life music, or looking out for your puppy—the message is the same: planning is a gift you give to those you love, sparing them from arguments, paperwork, and confusion.
Organizations like Swan Songs remind us that the end can be full of beauty and music. The Oregon Humane Society reminds us that our animals deserve the same consideration as our kids and grandkids. Portland Sage Singers remind me every week that growing old together—with humor, grace, and a little bit of sass—is one of life’s greatest joys.
Here’s my message: Don’t wait. Put your plans in place now, update them as needed, and make sure everyone knows what you want. Include your pets, your people, and, yes, even your prized rooster ceramics. When the time comes, your loved ones won’t be scrambling, fighting, or guessing. They’ll be free to do the more important things: telling your stories, remembering your jokes, singing your favorite songs, and maybe even tossing around a squeaky lamb toy in Bucky’s honor.
What am I going to do?
1. Get my documents done.
2. Keep singing with my peeps.
3. Get Bucky set for life.
4. Ponder what music I’d want Swan Songs to sing.
Be well. Be ready.
Dr. Tim Seelig is the Conductor Laureate of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. http://www.timseelig.com/
TLC: Tears, Laughs and Conversation
Published on October 9, 2025
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