By Dr. Tim Seelig—
I’ve been thinking a lot about trust recently. It’s complicated.
We trust every moment of every day. We trust the sun will come up (even in Portland). We trust the world will continue to spin (even if somewhat out of control). We trust things are going to get better (we must). We trust the chair we are sitting in and the keyboard we are typing on.
Trust begins to get complicated with comments like, “Trust me. The check’s in the mail.” I don’t have time to explain to the young ones what a check is. From the moment we stood up for the first time and asked, “Do I look fat in these diapers?” someone was fudging on the whole truth. So, how can we trust them about a new pair of jeans as an adult?
Trust gets deeply complicated with what is happening with our country. There is a broad and deep insecurity when things we thought were carved in stone turn out to be made of sand, easily brushed away on
a whim.
Our complicated relationship with trust took a dangerous turn with “alternate facts.” Trusting anyone on any platform is now a slippery slope. AI has added a layer of mistrust. In 2020, Pete Buttigieg wrote a book titled Trust: America’s Best Chance. Six years later, he is still a leader we trust and he remains a hero of the queer community. We need to listen to him on the topic of trust.
As promised, no more politics. I’m going to share my journey with trust from my own life’s concepts, experiences, and people.
The concept of trust was simple growing up in the 1950s. In the ‘50s, we put our trust in one thing: God. He (there was no confusion about his gender) had his codified in the public sphere. “Under God” was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954. “In God We Trust” was added to paper currency in 1957. When Gallup began asking about religion in the early ‘50s, nine of 10 Americans identified as Christian. It felt normal growing up with that kind of certainty—until it didn’t.
After God, I was taught to put my trust in the following order:
1. Jesus (That was confusing. Is it God or
Jesus? Someone needs to pick.)
2. Preacher
3. Parents
4. Sunday School Teacher
5. Police or elected officials (My Grandfather
was a U.S. Congressman after all.)
6. Adults
7. The Bible
The Bible includes hymns and songs such as “Trust and Obey.” Sing along if you’d like:
“What He says we will do, where He sends, we will go. Never fear, only trust and obey.”
Trust was black and white. (Truer words were never spoken.) I was an overachiever, so I wanted to be the absolute best truster and obeyer of all. I put my trust in the Lord at the age of six and left it right there – for about three decades. I did learn early on not to trust anything my big brother did
or said!
I learned to trust flying in airplanes in 1964 at 13. Back then, one dressed up in a sports coat and a tie to fly. Only the front few rows were non-smoking. You could smoke a brisket in there! I flew Trans Texas Airways from Dallas to Austin. It was lovingly referred to as Tree Top Airways. To this day, every time I take off in a plane, I make my peace just in case. Then I jumped out of a plane. That took as much trust as I have ever had in anything. Trust in the parachute. Trust in my hot tandem jumper.
Since you rarely see the pilot when flying, you are basically trusting a self-driving plane. I moved from San Francisco before the Waymo creatures took over the city. Recently, on a trip to Atlanta, our friend loaned us his self-driving car. Atlanta has terrible traffic, BTW. He set the self-drive function to “Mad Max.” We quickly switched it to “Scared S—-less.” The experience was completely unsettling, and our trust didn’t improve much along the way.
Trusting people is a whole book, not an article, and, the most difficult. Looking back, I feel I did a fairly good job of discerning whom to trust. Some showed their spots early on. Others took longer to turn from stone to sand. The longer it took, the more it hurt, and the less likely I was to trust again.
If you know me, at the top of my whom to trust list are dogs. I’ve written many articles about canine companions. You can do a search at the San Francisco Bay Times website (https://sfbaytimes.com/) for: Tim Seelig dogs!
After dogs, the first person on the list was my daughter. Our trust in each other was total. She also shared my trust in dogs. Dog was our copilot. For her 41 years, our trust was without condition—or filters! It never needed to be spoken, promised, or pledged. It just was. I now have that trust with my son. It is one of the greatest blessings of my life. It was rough getting there, which made the arrival even more precious. There are people I trust completely—my husband and a close circle of friends—including, of course, my ex-husband and now my best friend.
Life is a constant exercise in trust. You decide whether it’s a 3-question multiple-choice exam or an SAT-worthy exam. Regardless, my hope is that a few have passed the test in your life. There is huge risk in giving someone a passing grade and your trust. The rewards are mighty. At the end of the day, the best decider [sic] is your gut. Listen, feel, and observe how they treat others (dogs, cats, and service providers). As you open your heart and life to someone new, you’ll know. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Trust your gut. Your gut’s probably your real best friend!
Dr. Tim Seelig is the Conductor Laureate of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. http://www.timseelig.com/
TLC: Tears, Laughs and Conversation
Published on February 12, 2026
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