By Tim Seelig—
The words “acts before thinking” flew off the page of my first-grade report card and slapped little six-year-old Tim in the little face. As it turns out, “acts before thinking” has been both the magic and the bane of my existence ever since. That wasn’t the only harbinger of future traits recorded on that hurtful small piece of card stock. Adding insult to injury, I also received consistent negative marks for “obeys promptly” and “exercises control in talking.”
Do you remember your report cards? Did you get marks for citizenship? Were they on target? Worst of all, there was no appeals process. And your parents had to sign them for you to return to the teacher who had pronounced this judgment.
My first big cry happened on the way out of my mother’s womb. They say I cried for the next two years. The next big one was as I walked into school for the first time. I hung onto my mother’s skirt knowing I was being abandoned. I have very few physical mementos of the years in between. When I was 18, our house burned to the ground. It was arson (full story in a previous article). A few boxes were salvaged containing a handful of photos and a smattering of old documents such as report cards.
I don’t remember a lot from zero to five, so I decided to get a broad picture about those years from none other than Sigmund Freud. He described zero to five in the development of three parts: id, ego, and superego. You are born with id (instincts). It is innate. Between zero and three, the ego develops. It expresses impulses and makes decisions. The superego is developed between ages of three and five and reveals your ideal self and your conscience. That was a lot of work just getting to five years old. We thought it was just parties, playtime, and naps. There was apparently a lot going on behind the scenes.
At five, armed with our new multifaceted personalities, we entered our first regimented life called kindergarten. In the fall, we had an open house for parents to meet the teacher. Everyone dressed up. The school was spit-shined within an inch of its life. On one big wall was the artwork each child had created. It was so grand that it could have been The Louvre. My parents feigned surprise and pride. They had seen my artwork before. I had taken many prerequisite courses at what was called Vacation Bible School. Most of the children used Crayola crayons or fingerpaint. My advanced macaroni art blew away the competition. (Oops. It wasn’t a competition.) I used pinto, kidney, and lima beans to bring the bucolic setting to life. Yes, I was an overachiever at five. It was fun. I was feeling my artistic oats.
Then, first grade hit and things were no longer so cozy. We moved from open houses to parent/teacher conferences. My teacher was Mrs. Janet Thornton. It was 1957. She taught the three R’s: Reading, wRiting and aRithmetic. (Did anyone notice they are not R’s?). I made great grades. Getting those grades was a way to get the approval from my parents I so desperately desired. It became an addiction. I stayed for four degrees!
Then came 2nd grade, Mrs. McClellan, and Growth in Citizenship grades. Grades were doled out in 6-week increments. I received B’s for the first five of the six time periods. Then I got an A. I really don’t think I improved by the 6th week term. I think she was just exhausted.
According to my other citizenship marks, I was courteous, polite, and had a happy little attitude. I apparently cared for my books and arrived on time. (My father’s German ancestry holds that early equals on time.) I was able to keep my hands away from my face and hair, use a handkerchief, and had good table manners in the lunchroom. Yay!
It didn’t matter that the left side of the card showed all A’s; the indictments of that right side of the report card stung. In hindsight, they weren’t wrong. If Mrs. Janet Thornton were to come back from the grave in the year of our Lord 2026, I am certain I would get the same marks. But they would be bold and in red! She would have the last laugh.
Here’s what I think:
– Acting before you think is the sign of a maverick, a trendsetter. Enneagram 8?
– Not obeying promptly simply means one considers all the options and consequences before deciding to obey.
– Controlling your talking is ridiculous. Why would someone want or need to do that?
The last one is not my fault. If you know me, you know I have a lot to say. It is a well-known Seelig trait that we can talk until we think of something to say. I love storytelling. I love to hear myself talk.
My citizenship marks from the 1950s have been hallmarks of my career. I’ve never been comfortable in the shadows. I’ve said “yes” to crazy things. I’ve dreamed big and people have followed. I’ve loved doing my own thing, especially in front of a crowd. I’ve loved people who say, “Yes.” Those who have said, “No,” were not my very favorite.
Discovering my old report cards was not really a revelation. The surprise was that my elementary teachers had my number so early on. It was a theme that was repeated every year. It turns out that it was a crystal-clear look into who I was and who I am. It is sobering in many ways. Most of all, I’m glad I have a therapy session next week. I’ll get to talk a lot.
Dr. Tim Seelig is the Conductor Laureate of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. http://www.timseelig.com/
TLC: Tears, Laughs and Conversation
Published on May 7, 2026
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