I was part of an ideal rehearsal the other week. I met the couple at their wedding venue, the Bernard Maybeck-designed Forest Hill Club House. We discussed logistics, chatted a bit about the weekend festivities, and then their adorable toddler took his focus away from his parent’s smartphone long enough to give me a high five!
I viewed it as an ideal rehearsal as it allowed the couple to reduce their anxiety concerning the ceremony. Yes, rehearsals can help a bridal party understand where and when they are supposed to walk, stand and sit. However, I have learned over the years that rehearsals are more for schmoozing, and less for rehearsing the ceremony. Many people will forget their instructions, even if the rehearsal is only one day prior to the ceremony!
Fortunately, adults can generally adapt to the situation. On the other hand, young kids can freeze up. The wedding site full of people dressed up with jitters in the air can throw children off. I got a chuckle from this commentary I found on an officiant-judge’s website:
“…children are in a wedding for comic relief–don’t expect perfection–no one else does. It’s the imperfection that is adorable. If the Ring Bearer hesitates, or refuses to walk down the aisle, have matchbox cars, or other trinkets, in the pocket of a Groomsman, and let the child know there is a prize at the end of the aisle. Bribery works—that’s why there are so many corrupt governments in the world.”
I also found this interesting from the aforementioned website: “Is a wedding ‘rehearsal’ necessary? About 60 to 70% of all weddings do not have a rehearsal. If you have a large Bridal Party, you may want a rehearsal sometime before the wedding. Most rehearsals take about 40 to 50 minutes.
It takes longer than the actual ceremony because you should run through the movements at least twice and talk through each part.”
I also recommend if you have invited friends or family to read or sing during the ceremony, include them in the rehearsal so they can practice with a microphone. Have an extra copy (or two) of each reading in case they have forgotten to bring theirs. Memorization, even for trained public speakers, isn’t a good idea. Nerves and emotions have a way of sneaking in and affecting even the calmest souls during a wedding!
The rehearsal is a great time to give your officiant the license and final payment (if any). Also, consider assigning someone to be responsible for ceremonial objects after the wedding, such as a wine goblet, glass (or lightbulb) that was stomped on, unity candle, ring bearer’s pillow, etc. Additionally,you can let your wedding party know where they need to go immediately after the ceremony. Will the photographer need them? Do you want them to help usher people from the ceremony to where bubbles will be blown or a reception will happen? Your attendants can help the post ceremony transition go smoothly if they know what role(s) to take on.
Preparation, be it a rehearsal or through planning and communication, allows you and your attendants to relax, breathe and be more present during your special day.
Howard M. Steiermann is an Ordained Ritual Facilitator based in San Francisco. For more information, please visit www.SFHoward.com
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