By Jason Brock–
I was born in a small town in East Texas, and it wasn’t very gay-friendly. I was gay, so that didn’t work out too well.
However, somehow miraculously, my mom never knew I was gay—or so she says. Raised as a Christian, I was told that God didn’t like homosexuality; it was a sin in the Bible. So, believing the church, like my parents taught me to believe, I thought something was wrong with me when I started feeling attracted to the same sex at around twelve years old.
I kept my sexuality a secret throughout my teen years, until I got into college. In fact, I had never even had sex with a man until I was nineteen years old. So, when I started dating and hooking up with guys (which was much more difficult to do back then without bars, by the way), I think my mom overheard a conversation I was having on the phone. This is because just a few minutes after I hung up the phone, my mom asked me to go on a walk with her. I thought this walk was no big deal, just us talking as usual.
I was wrong.
As we were walking, she directly asked me if I was gay or not. I was rather shocked and scared, and I wasn’t ready to tell her I was gay. I didn’t know if I ever would be at that point. I hadn’t really come out to many people, and to no one in my family at all.
So, I told her I was “bi” (although I was really gay). I thought it would somehow soften the blow. I felt that saying I was bi would partially acknowledge my “abnormal” sexual orientation while also making her feel like there was hope for me somehow.
She still didn’t react positively, though. She said, “How can you do this to your family, Jason?!” And I was like, “Well, I’m not doing it to anyone. It’s just me.”
After that, my mom never accepted my sexual orientation, and it’s been over twenty years since I told her. But I have maintained a relationship with her, although it’s strained and difficult at times. I don’t regret coming out, and I know she’s doing as well as she can do within her own understanding of life. Fortunately, I don’t need her to tell me it’s okay anymore. I have to know that for myself. Plus, I have the amazing LGBTQ+ community that helped me find the strength I have today.
Television, film, and stage star Jason Brock was seen in homes all over the world as a finalist on the “X-Factor.” He is also a popular YouTuber and podcaster. https://www.jasonbrockvocals.com/
Published on July 15, 2021
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