By Zoe Dunning—
(Editor’s Note: It has been nearly a decade since Zoe Dunning wrote an article for her popular column in the San Francisco Bay Times, Do Ask, Do Tell. She explains the long break in this relaunch piece, so we will focus on reintroducing this remarkable, accomplished leader to you.
Commander Dunning is a retired U.S. Navy officer, political strategist, and pioneering LGBTQ+ rights activist best known for her landmark challenge to the military’s exclusion of gay service members. After graduating from the United States Naval Academy in 1985, Dunning served on active duty and later joined the Navy Reserve. In 1993, while attending business school at Stanford University, she publicly came out as a lesbian at a political rally, directly challenging the military’s discriminatory policies.
Facing discharge, she fought her case through a military administrative board, successfully arguing that coming out did not prove an intent or propensity to engage in prohibited conduct. She won her legal battle and became the only openly gay person allowed to remain on active duty or in the reserves under the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy, continuing her naval career until her retirement at the rank of Commander in 2007 after 22 years of service. When former President Obama signed the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Repeal Act into law on December 22, 2010, Dunning was by his side.
Later elected to the San Francisco Democratic County Central Committee, Dunning served for several years and also served as the First Vice Chair of the San Francisco Democratic Party. Here at the Bay Times, her column ran for many years during that period and was an anchor next to the column of Rafael Mandelman (both before and after he went into public service). During Pride this year, the publishers of the Bay Times ran into Dunning at Rikki’s, struck up a conversation, invited her to resume her column, and are thrilled she said yes. Please join us in welcoming her back and look for her column monthly in the Bay Times.)
Hello again, my San Francisco Bay Times friends. It’s been a while. It’s good to be back.
My last regular column for the Bay Times was published in June 2017, the year my life turned upside down. I was completely exhausted by five years of toxic San Francisco Democratic politics. I was barely keeping my head above water amid the demands of my consulting firm. My marriage was in shambles. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I had never worked so hard to please others, only to fail so miserably. It was a turning point, and I had to start over and redesign my life.
Sometimes it takes a tornado to tear down all that you know so you can rebuild on a stronger foundation. I stepped away from the political scene (the subject of many of my columns), finalized a heartbreaking divorce, sold our beautiful newly constructed home in Noe Valley, and moved to Oakland. I leaned on my incredible friends and family to support me through this transition.
My days were filled with grief and hope, and over time my new life slowly took shape. I changed up the type of consulting work I did. I served on the California Veterans Board and the U.S. Air Force Academy Board of Visitors. During 2020, at the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, I joined and eventually led a nonprofit, Wall of Vets, which organized veterans to provide protection and security for Black Lives Matter (BLM) protesters. I started dating again (ugh—the apps!). I began writing my memoir. Things were falling in place. Until …
Incidental 2.6 cm nodule versus mass-like consolidation in the right upper lobe. Recommend further evaluation with chest x-ray or chest CT.
I remember holding my iPhone, double-blinking at what I was reading. This was a neck X-ray for soreness in my neck. What is this about a nodule in my lung? I was 3 weeks shy of my 60th birthday. I have never smoked. My mother died of lung cancer at 58, when I was only 18. I had spent my entire life trying my damnedest to avoid her fate. How could this be?
Further testing led to a diagnosis of stage 3 non-small cell lung cancer. I was devastated and terrified when I heard the news. Kaiser Permanente, and later UCSF, took incredible care of me. I underwent four rounds of chemo, surgery to remove that lobe of my lung, and 30 radiation treatments. I’m one of the lucky ones, with a biomarker mutation that makes me eligible for a miracle, targeted therapy drug that greatly increases the odds of disease-free survival. And it is working—three years since the diagnosis, I am healthy, with no detectable disease, feeling better than ever. I’m active and living a full life again.
I recently attended the Frameline Film Festival and watched the Mary Oliver documentary, Saved by the Beauty of the World. The film quoted the end of her poem, The Summer Day:
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
A cancer diagnosis, or any life-threatening event, makes one focus on this important question. It has helped me prioritize my time, money, and commitments since that fateful day. At the top of my list is writing—my memoir, this column, and anywhere else I can share stories and guidance to help inspire others to speak up, act, contribute, and lead change. There is so much cruelty in the world and in our government; it can feel helpless and hopeless to stop it. In 1993, when I decided to come out publicly as a lesbian and challenge the President, Congress, and the Pentagon to lift the ban on gays in the military, I had no idea I would become part of a successful campaign that repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell eighteen years later. Small acts of courage can lead to large-scale change. We just need to take that first step.
With that in mind, this monthly column will feature my hot takes and perspectives on news events (with an emphasis on those affecting the LGBTQ+ community, particularly in the Bay Area) and what you can do about it. I’ll also spotlight organizations and people I think are doing extraordinary work on behalf of our community. And occasionally I’ll share more personal reflections and experiences that may also inspire you to get involved.
I welcome your reflections and input. What helps you step over the threshold from thought to action? Feel free to share with me at zoe@zoedunning.com
I may feature your ideas in a future column!
Zoe Dunning is a retired U.S. Navy Commander, a leader in the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and the former 1st Vice Chair of the San Francisco Democratic County Central Committee. She lives in Oakland with her rescue dog, Bobo, and is writing her memoir, “Incompatible” (working title).
Do Ask, Do Tell
Published on August 27, 2026
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