Keys to Having Successful Financial Conversations When You’re Engaged

By Brandon Miller, CFP

While money is a leading cause of marital strife, a recent Ameriprise study found that nearly seven in ten couples say they have good financial communication. Before wedding planning kicks into high gear, make conversations about your finances a priority. Taking the time today to talk through money matters can create a solid foundation for your collective future. Use the following five principles to guide your money conversations:

1. Open-minded

Take turns sharing your vision for money management as a married couple. Listen carefully to what your future spouse says is important to him or her. Acknowledge your differences and build on your strengths. If your expectations don’t match up, try to find a compromise. Some couples sidestep conversations about money to avoid feelings of hurt, fear, anger or remorse. Creating a habit of regular communication may help you to avoid heated arguments, and can help to ensure you’re on the same page financially before you walk down the aisle.

2. Honesty

Financial secrets can destroy trust. Share the specifics of your financial history and current situation if you haven’t already done so. Your future spouse deserves to know if you’re paying off college debt, or if you’ve made any financial mistakes in the past (and how you’ve rectified them). Disclose the good news, too. Divulge details about savings you’ve tucked away or a family trust that helps to supplement your income so you both know the sum of where you stand.

3. Forward-thinking

Once you’ve shared your current situation and history, discuss your goals for the future. Be open about what your dreams are, but be ready to compromise. While you don’t have to agree on everything, having shared goals (purchasing a home, saving for college if you choose to have children, retirement, etc.) allows you to combine forces on savings and gives you a road map for spending.

4. Cooperation

To avoid any miscommunications as newlyweds, discuss and assign responsibility for financial roles. Is one of you better at monitoring online accounts and paying bills? Are you both enrolled in a retirement account and taking maximum advantage of employer contributions? Who will be the primary contact for your financial advisor, tax professional or estate planner? Two is better than one when you’re able to divide and conquer financial tasks, but make sure you’re both in the loop on key decisions and money matters.

5. Diligence

Once you’re married, make it a priority to update your financial documents. It takes discipline, but taking care of these housekeeping tasks right away protects you in case something unexpected happens. Several steps to consider:

• Update financial accounts, insurance policies and credit cards with any name changes, and if needed, add your spouse as an owner and beneficiary to those accounts.
• Consider combining your bank accounts if it makes sense for your situation.
• Update or write your will and estate plan to reflect your collective wishes.
• Amend your tax withholdings, to make sure the right amount is withheld from your paycheck now that you’re married. Consult your tax professional before making changes.
• Choose your health insurance. If both of your employers offer health insurance, carefully evaluate your coverage options and premiums for the best fit.

Like most things worth achieving, preparing for a lifetime of financial compatibility takes work. If you and your future spouse can commit to the same money values, it may help you to create a solid financial foundation.

Brandon Miller, CFP is a financial consultant at Brio Financial Group, A Private Wealth Advisory Practice of Ameriprise Financial Inc. in San Francisco, specializing in helping LGBT individuals and families plan and achieve their financial goals.