By Sir Kippy Marks–
“Practice Makes Love Easy” (PMLE), a phrase that I started to use around 9+ years ago during the 1st administration of POTUS (45) D.J.T, suggests that love, much like any other skill or endeavor, improves with consistent effort and dedication. By continually practicing acts of kindness, empathy, open communication, and complete acceptance of individuals and communities, we the people can strengthen our bonds and create a more harmonious global connection.
This column acknowledges those who personify PMLE, such as Kochina Rude. She is a drag queen, harm reduction advocate, vocalist, and emcee. She is a beacon of light in our community and I was honored to recently connect with her to learn more about her efforts to uplift others, including saving the lives of countless individuals.
Sir Kippy Marks: How long have you been involved with the practicing of love in your current position?
Kochina Rude: I’ve been involved with harm reduction since learning the term as a college student. I had an internship at a local HIV/AIDS nonprofit, where I learned that harm reduction is about love: love for people who use drugs, love for every person coming in for an HIV test, and love for oneself. Twelve years later, I’m slinging Narcan to audiences in 6-inch heels (probably around 5,000 free doses to date). I never thought I’d be doing this, but I never really had long-term goals either. Recently, I’ve decided to make a big change, because I’ve learned that change is the only way to grow. I like to flip the phrase “the ends justify the means,” as I arrived where I am today by practicing the opposite. As long as I love what I’m doing in this moment, I trust that wherever I end up is where I’m meant to be. To do anything, I have to love it; and to love what I do, I need to love who I am.
Sir Kippy Marks: Who or what motivated you to become the community activist that you are today?
Kochina Rude: I was your average queer misfit stuck in the North Bay suburbs as a young person, acutely aware of all the ways I didn’t feel like I “fit in.” As I got older, I actively sought a lifestyle that rejected the norms of the world around me, and in doing so, I found myself in community with others who were—well, “othered.” Many of the people I have loved most in this world have been drug users, people with mental illnesses, or social rejects. Because of this, I’m motivated to use my skills, privileges, and platform to advocate for people who are stigmatized, and whose voices are often ignored.
Sir Kippy Marks: How old were you when you made that decision?
Kochina Rude: As flattering as it is to be described as a community activist, I never thought of myself as such, and don’t remember ever making the decision to become one. (I’m not rejecting it; I just don’t think about it that way.) Maybe it was as a high school junior, when my friends and I cut class to participate in a protest. Perhaps it was at age six, when a close family friend died of AIDS. It could have been when I got my first STI test as a teen, and was mistreated to the extent that I’ve made it my professional mission to make sure no one experiences what I did. Or, I was “born this way” from parents who loved me unconditionally, and who were hip enough to encourage me to “live out loud.”
Sir Kippy Marks: What advice would you give to others on how to practice love on the daily?
Kochina Rude: Meet people where they are, whenever possible. Love is best practiced as a verb. Remember that the oxygen mask must go on your own face before assisting others, so you must practice meeting yourself “where you are,” too. The Venn diagram between “radical empathy” and “self-love” is a circle. Don’t tell me you love me; show me.
Sir Kippy Marks: If you were granted two universal wishes, what would you wish for?
Kochina Rude: An endless supply of Baked Lays. 2. World peace.
Sir Kippy Marks: Please share any current practices that our readers may find useful, and also where we can find you.
Kochina Rude: At every moment in your life, you have choices. No one can make those choices but you. Learn how to forgive yourself, while also knowing when to hold yourself accountable for your decisions. Believe in yourself as a survival tactic.
Here is where you can find me:
I’m stepping away from Princess, the amazing show I’ve co-hosted for five years with Lisa Frankenstein and producer Tito Soto. You can catch me one last time at SF Oasis on Saturday, April 19. (It will sell out.) I have some potential Oakland-based projects on the horizon, but in the meantime, you can catch me and God’s Lil Princess on our monthly podcast, Diva Dudes, free on Substack & available on Spotify. (Diva Dudes are coproducing the first “Gutterbutt Pageant” in partnership with the Oaklash Bay Area Drag Festival at Eli’s Mile High Club on Thursday, May 15.) And see what I’m up to at the frequently updated https://linktr.ee/kochinarude
Sir Kippy Marks is a spirited solo entertainer whose shows are permeated with an infectious joy. His distinctive sound arises from his heart, through his 1822 violin consort, Izabella. Marks’ rare talent, broad smile, and radiant warmth will brighten any event to create lasting impact. He is also Grand Duke XL of The Grand Ducal Council of San Francisco. He is the first ever elected African-American Grand Duke.
Practice Makes Love Easy
Published on March 27, 2025
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