Dr. Tim Seelig–
Last month’s article outlined three emotional buckets that contain most of life’s experiences: Tears, Laughs, and Chill Bumps. These experiences enrich our lives, and each is equally important in living a well-rounded emotional existence on this earthly plain.
My husband, Bobby Jo, is not just a fabulous singer songwriter and published poet; he is also a thinker, a teacher, and an old soul. He is a seeker and a troubadour. His own experiences have taught him life lessons people much older never have.
Last month, Bobby Jo was a guest lecturer at an amazing annual event in North Carolina called Porch Gathering. It brings together a wide array of thinkers, authors, and artists to present sessions over a three-day span. When he shared his outline with me, I was blown away. I simply had to “borrow” it and share it here. Currently, you can do one of three things: 1. Create your own material from scratch; 2. “Borrow” from well-respected (human) sources, or 3. Just let AI write it for you. I decided on a mixture of #1 and #2, reflecting what has been the process for all my articles for the last 6+ years.
His session title was “5 Stories That Unlock Our Lives.” Each of the categories had a brief personal story and a key takeaway. These are the five stories that describe pivotal moments in life:
Lack. When did you first feel you were not enough?
Lust. What’s the thing you remember deeply wanting?
Loss. What is a moment when you lost something special?
Love. When did you realize love was real?
Luck. When did you feel exceptionally lucky?
I decided to do Bobby Jo’s exercise and fill in each one with my own personal story. Some of them you will have already heard. Some of you know me well enough you could answer them for me! My hope is you will read my answers only as a catalyst for filling in your own story. Let’s go.
Story #1. Lack. When did you first feel you were not enough?
When people ask how I got to be this way, I say I could give them the long version or just meet my father. Regardless how hard I tried, I never felt I could meet his expectations. I never felt I was enough. As the son of German immigrants, he had worked incredibly hard for everything he had. He set the bar impossibly high. No matter what I achieved, there was disapproval lurking behind the door. My father was obviously a travel agent … for guilt trips.
Story #2. Lust. What’s the thing you remember deeply wanting?
When I first read “Lust,” I thought I was going to have to come clean about my time as a boy watching Bonanza. Then I thought about “things” I wanted terribly but knew I would never get, like an Easy Bake Oven. From the age of 17, I wanted to be an opera singer. My path was focused and driven. At the age of 33 I got what I wanted so badly. I moved to Switzerland with my wife and our two beautiful children. Guess what? I hated it. I broke my 2-year contract midway through and came home, tail tucked, searching for something to replace that thing I thought I couldn’t live without. It would only be a few years before I found my true calling: waving my arms at the gays.
Story #3. Loss. What is a moment when you lost something special?
When did you lose something precious? This will be short. Having arrived at my first gay men’s chorus in 1987, the years that followed were filled with constant loss. Countless singers and friends died. We were in all the stages of grief at one time. Years later, I lost my daughter, brother, and father in a 10-month span. Those are the tip of the loss iceberg. There’s not much else to say. I outlived them all. Yes, I have survivor’s guilt.
Story #4. Love. When did you realize love was real?
This made me smile. That was much needed after the last one. For me, this is the same as when I found out love did not come with strings or conditions. You already know that I have learned it over and over from every dog I ever had. I knew it from my daughter, who loved me through a very difficult time for both of us. I’m still loving and living and learning about love without strings. I am living it now with Bobby Jo.
Story #5. Luck. When did you feel exceptionally lucky?
Is it luck? Is it fate? Is it the universe? Is it all a big accident? It doesn’t matter to me what you call it as long as you don’t call it God. I’m a card-carrying member of FFRF (Freedom From Religion Foundation) and a confirmed agnostic. I know an agnostic is just someone who can’t commit. For me, luck is being in the right place at the right time … and being ready! I and my choral groups have been very lucky through the years. But the key was that, when the “luck” happened, we were ready to seize it.
Working through the “5 Stories That Unlock our Lives” was a wonderful exercise. Focusing in on each of the words and their descriptions opened my mind, but also provided a focus for the stories.
Our lives are filled with wonder in so many ways. It was great to focus on these five specific words: Lack, Lust, Loss, Love, and Luck. I hope you are already filling in the blanks from your own life. I might want to hear your answer to “lust.” Hopefully it is much more salacious than mine!
Dr. Tim Seelig is the Conductor Laureate of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. http://www.timseelig.com/
TLC: Tears, Laughs and Conversation
Published on April 10, 2025
Recent Comments