By William “Bill” F. Wilson–
February 12, 2004: We didn’t know when we woke up that morning that it would be our wedding day, but it turned out to be the happiest day of our lives!
We heard on the news that Mayor Gavin Newsom had directed the County Clerk to find a way to change the marriage license application to be gender neutral. One newscast on Tuesday night had ended their report by saying that Mayor Newsom wanted to marry a same-sex couple by the end of the week.
I had sent an email on Wednesday to the Mayor’s Office telling him that we would be glad to be that couple. During the Domestic Partner Commitment ceremony in March of 1999, Gavin Newsom, then a Supervisor from District 2, was the person who did our ceremony. I wrote we would be glad to stand with him, by standing before him, to be married.
Fernando (Orlandi) had already planned to take this day (2/12/04) off because he had a dentist appointment to have his teeth cleaned. It so happens that for the past five years or thereabouts, February 12 had been declared “Freedom to Marry” by a group advocating for same sex marriage. The idea was for people to go to their local county clerks and request a marriage license. Even though they knew they would be denied, they went to make people aware of the inequity of discrimination against gay and lesbian people.
Fernando told me he felt that if Mayor Newsom was going to marry people, he would do it before the marriage equality rally so it wouldn’t look like he was caving in to their demands. When we heard that the Mayor was planning on holding a press conference, we decided to go and make our case in person. We got to City Hall early and went to the City Clerk’s office. We told the gentleman behind the information counter that we were a same-sex couple and we wanted to get a marriage license. Everyone in the room just stopped what they were doing and looked at us. We didn’t know that the first same-sex weddings had already taken place and that everyone was on edge because they thought that some group would get a court injunction to stop the weddings so they had been sworn to secrecy. We were told to come back.
When we went back outside to wait for Mayor Newsom to have his news conference about new London-style taxis being introduced to San Francisco, we were approached by a reporter from the local NBC affiliate who asked, “You are not really here about taxis, are you?” We laughed because I was wearing a large button that said, “Support Same Sex Marriage” around the outside with a large “I DO” in the middle. She asked if we would mind being on film. We agreed. The last question she asked us was, “What would it be like to be married today?” Little did we know we were about to find out. After she finished interviewing us, she got a call on her cellphone. She told us that the mayor had cancelled his press conference.
It was at that point I noticed Roberta Achtenberg walking down the stairs from City Hall. I ran over to her and asked if she was here for the marriage equality rally that was happening at noon. Roberta just stood there for a few seconds, which seemed more like a minute, and finally she just blurted out, “I am here to witness the first same-sex marriage and it has already happened and that is all I can tell you.”
I figured if the first one had already happened, then they must have figured out the changes to the paperwork. So, I ran back to the Clerk’s office. There was a different person behind the counter, and when I asked for a same-sex marriage license application, she said, “I cannot confirm or deny that we have same-sex license applications. I can only say that if we were to give them out, we would not start until noon.”
According to my watch it was 11:20 am. When I stood there, she said to me that I might want to come back. I replied, “You don’t understand. When you start handing them out, I want to be the first person you hand one to.” She said we still had to not block the desk and we had to move back beyond the door. I turned around and realized that there were about twenty people lined up behind me. We just all stayed in the same order and stepped back to the door.
As it got closer to noon, more news reporters, camera crews, and people who wanted to get married showed up. It was both exciting and nerve wracking. The NBC reporter asked if they could follow us through the process and film us. That turned out to be a godsend in several ways. Finally, the lady said, “We are ready.” Fernando and I went forward. I asked for a marriage license. She handed us an application and told us to fill it out. She told us that, when we were finished, we should come back to her and she would give us a number.
Amid the jousting camera crews, the expectant couples, and their witnesses, we managed to find a space along the wall to fill out our paperwork. When we finished, we went back to the counter. The lady took our forms and our check for the license fee and gave us a number. A few minutes later, she came back with our license. We both had to raise our right hands and swear that the information we had given was true. It was. We were then sent over to the Recorder’s office, which was at the other end of City Hall. There were two couples ahead of us in line when a person came out and said that the first four couples had to go back to the Clerk’s office because there was problem with their license. We weren’t happy and were getting more nervous by the minute that we weren’t going to be married before the courts issued an injunction.
When we got to the Clerk’s office, Nancy Alfaro was collecting the licenses. When we asked her what was wrong, she said that the first four licenses were printed with Bride and Groom instead of Applicant 1 and 2. She said it would take about 15–20 minutes to fix them. While we waited outside the office, people came in from the freedom to marry rally. Everyone was so excited.
After we waited about half an hour, Fernando went back into the Clerk’s office only to find the Clerk still doing interviews. When he got a chance, he reminded her that she had said it would take 15 minutes and it had now been half an hour. She apologized and went into her office and shut the door. About ten minutes later, she came out with our correct license and we then went back to the Recorder’s office. The NBC crew asked if it would be okay to record our ceremony. The reporter agreed to be our witness. (That probably violated journalistic ethics, but we agreed not to let anyone know.)
Minna Tao was the person who presided over our wedding. She was a Deputy Recorder/Assessor. Her first question before we got started was, “Who has the rings?” When we said we didn’t have any rings, she replied, “That’s okay. When we get to that part, you can just exchange kisses.”
She asked us to hold hands and face her while she read a brief paragraph about love and commitment and the solemnity of what we were about to do. She then asked us to turn and face each other as we took our vows. To look into Fernando’s eyes was such an emotional moment. My mind was on overload. I wanted to remember the feeling forever. I knew with no hesitation that Fernando was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Looking into his eyes filled my heart and my whole being with so much joy. I struggled to contain it. Luckily, we have it on videotape. I know Fernando said, “I do,” in the right spot and then I said, “I do,” and we were declared “spouses for life.”
When the reporter asked us what it was like to be married, I said, “I’m just grateful to have been at the right place at the right moment.” We finished our paperwork and it was recorded.
The excitement and joy were like an electrical current pulsing throughout City Hall. In the rotunda we ran into Mark Leno and had our photo taken with him.
Having woken that morning with no idea the day would be our wedding day, we went to bed a married couple still trying to understand why that piece of paper we had thought wouldn’t make a difference turned out to make a very big difference. By allowing same-sex marriages, Mayor Newsom just turned the argument around. We didn’t have to prove we were deserving of our rights; our opponents had to prove they were harmed. We went to bed having been treated like anyone else. We had been on both local and national news getting married. We were now “spouses” and no one had to ask us what that meant. We had tasted equality. It was a moment I will always remember and treasure.
William “Bill” F. Wilson is a San Francisco-based photographer focusing on LGBT and civil rights-related events. He and Fernando Orlandi will be celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary this February 12.
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