By Dina Novarr–
Spring is finally here. The days are getting longer, the weather warmer, flowers are bursting into bloom, and April Fools’ Day is around the corner. It is the perfect time to trick your guests with liquid deception while they’re still vulnerable from seasonal allergies. These drinks won’t cure hay fever, but they’ll make everyone remember that pollen isn’t the only culprit that makes eyes watery.
April Fools’ Day has been making fools of us all since at least 1561, when Flemish writer Eduard De Dene published a poem about a nobleman sending his servant on absurd errands. “Refereyn vp verzendekens dach/Twelck den eersten April te zyne plach.” That is Medieval Dutch for: “I’m wasting your time on April 1st and finding it hilarious.” The servant, showing more wisdom, repeatedly mutters, “I am afraid … that you are trying to make me run a fool’s errand.”
Five centuries later, we’ve perfected the art of sending people on fool’s errands. As America stumbles through another year where headlines read like Onion articles, we might as well make some drinks about it. At least alcohol delivers exactly what it advertises, right?
Here are my masters of deception:
As you serve these deceptive libations, remember that all great jokes contain a kernel of truth—and sometimes that kernel is bitter enough to make your eyes water. Eduard De Dene’s servant in 1561 could spot when he was being played for a fool. Five centuries later, we order another round and pretend not to notice.
So, this April Fools’ Day, as we navigate an America where reality is negotiable and comes with a chaser of delusion, let’s toast to keeping our wits about us. In this strange new world, what looks refreshing might leave you with a hangover that lasts for four years.
Drink responsibly, and always read the ingredients list. You might not like what you find. (Disclaimer: No friendships were harmed in the making of these cocktails. The same cannot be said for your dignity after drinking them.)
The Clear Colada
This crystal-clear concoction appears innocent until it renders you incapable of operating heavy machinery.
Looks like: water from a pristine mountain stream.
Actually is: your ticket to poor decisions.
Ingredients
2 oz clarified pineapple juice (strain fresh juice through a coffee filter 2 times, much like how we filter truth through our preferred news sources
1.5 oz Real McCoy White Rum
1 oz coconut water (not milk—we’re deceiving people, not nourishing them)
0.5 oz simple syrup
Lime wheel for garnish (the only transparent thing in the glass)
Method
Combine all ingredients in a mixing glass with ice. Stir until well-chilled and strain into a rocks glass over a large ice cube.
The Greenhouse Gimlet
Serve this vibrant green cocktail in a mason jar with a straw, and your friends will think you’ve joined the wellness movement—until they realize they’ve been bamboozled.
Looks like: a health-conscious green smoothie.
Actually is: proof that marketing beats substance every time.
Ingredients
3 oz Uncle Val’s Restorative Gin
½ frozen classic kids lime popsicle
.5 oz of fresh lime juice
handful of fresh basil (to create the illusion of nutrition)
5–6 cucumber slices (the vegetable equivalent of empty promises)
small sprig of rosemary (for that “I’m better than you” garnish)
Method
Pulse cucumber, basil, and ½ a frozen lime pop in a blender with Uncle Val’s Restorative Gin and ½ a cup of ice. Don’t tell anyone about the gin; just let them taste that buzz.
The Alternative Facts
A color-changing cocktail that proves seeing isn’t believing
Ingredients
2.5 oz gin (the foundation of delusion)
0.5 oz blue curaçao (the tears of the fact-checkers)
0.5 oz butterfly pea flower-infused simple syrup (nature’s gaslighting)
0.75 oz lemon juice (the acid test of truth, served separately)
tonic water (the bitter pill to swallow)
Method
Build the blue ingredients in a glass with ice. When your guest adds lemon juice, it transforms to purple; add tonic for swirls of pink. This essentially leads to three different “truths” from the same facts, and the perfect drink for a time when lies and truths seem to battle for the spotlight.
San Francisco-based Dina Novarr enjoys sharing her passion for fine wines, spirits, non-alcoholic craft beverages, and more with others.
Cocktails With Dina by Dina Novarr
Published on March 27, 2025
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