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    Sister Dana sez, “April showers bring May flowers…”

    By Sister Dana Van Iquity, Words of Wisdumb from a Fun Nun–

    Sister Dana sez, “April showers bring May flowers—but enough already with the damn (dam?) floods!”

    PERVERTS PUT OUT! is San Francisco’s longest-running queer sexuality literary and performance art cabaret. PPO! is BACK after a several year hiatus, and is currently co-curated by my dear friend Carol Queen and her associate Gina Stella dell’Assunta. Thanks go to the Center for Sex and Culture, the Horizons Foundation, and Strut/SF AIDS Foundation for supporting this local queer and trans artistic & cultural work. The Center for Sex and Culture is an online community center and IRL reading room and archive providing judgment-free education and exploring and preserving knowledge and materials about sex and gender. Sister Dana has been attending many of the Center’s events for decades, and has been a proud recipient of quite a few gay adult videos from them. I was privileged to be among PPO! fans and newbies at Strut in the heart of the Castro on March 22 to enjoy lively readings by fellow pervy poets and audacious authors StormMiguel Florez, Juba Kalamka, Charlie Jane Anders, Gina Stella dell’Assunta, and so many more.

    “ARE YOU BETTER OFF THAN YOU WERE FOUR YEARS AGO?” Trump recently posted in all caps on his (Un)Truth (Anti)Social site. Are we better off than we were four years ago? When we had empty shelves in supermarkets? The massive toilet paper and mask shortages? Locked down with constant fear? President Biden on X site snapped back at Trump: “Donald, I’m glad you asked. They are dying.” Sister Dana sez, “Or dead. Over a thousand people were reported dead every day, while T-rump and his MAGA minions were suggesting that drinking bleach and horse medicine were medical solutions to COVID-19. Reprehensible!”  

    Sister Dana with San Francisco Bay Times colleague Joanie Juster on Sunday, March 31, at Dolores Park for the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence Easter in the Park 45th Anniversary Celebration with the theme “Forty-Five Years of Hop(e)!”
    Photo Courtesy of Joanie Juster

    Asked GOP Senator Thom Tillis on March 20 about Trump defending the January 6 prisoners, he boldly said, “Folks, I was the last Senate member out of the chamber on January 6th. I saw Capitol police officers bleeding, bruised, and I saw damage to a certain extent as we were exiting. To call those people patriots is not in my lexicon.” But minutes later, timid Tillis continued, calling it a “respectful disagreement,” and added, “I’ve made a statement that I think the president’s the presumptive nominee, and we need to get behind him and support him.” Sister Dana sez, “Whaaat? And furthermore: WTF?!”

    Sister Dana sez, “Before reading the next paragraph, please take whatever relaxes you: a cocktail(s), a pill(s), an app that plays soothing sounds”: The election is less than 7 months away and President Biden and DarnOld Trump are NECK-AND-NECK in the polls. If Democrats lose in November, T-rump and his cronies could start SLASHING Social Security, voting rights, AND abortion rights on DAY ONE.

    The Death Toll has risen to 139 and counting in the horrendous March 22 Moscow Crocus City Concert Hall Attack. And over 100 victims were hospitalized with injuries from the attack. Our hearts go out to the families and friends who are grieving. But Putin has to stop blaming the Ukraine—when there exists no such evidence. In fact, four of the terrorists claim to be from ISIS. Why can’t anyone “remove” this lying, murderous, autocrat Putin?

    Sister Dana and three friends shared a hug during Easter in the Park.

    Another reason NOT to reelect Trump: Dozens of conservative organizations have banded together to provide Trump a road map—known as Project 2025—to boost fossil fuels and limit government climate science. Climate Change-denying Trump has already said that boosting fossil fuels would be one of his top priorities. A proposed executive order in Project 2025 offers Trump-tator a path for that goal, laying out a total restructuring of the U.S. Global Change Research Program to diminish its role across more than a dozen federal agencies.

    On January 7, 2021, then ex-president Trump—for once in his life—spoke the truth about the January 6 insurrection: “Like all Americans, I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness, and mayhem. America is and must always be a nation of law and order.” He continued, “The demonstrators who infiltrated the Capitol have defiled the seat of American democracy. To those who engage in the acts of violence and destruction, you do not represent our country. And to those who broke the law, you will pay.” Sister Dana sez, “And yet suddenly these violent, destructive, lawless rioters are called by that very same Trump as ‘hostages’ and ‘patriots’ who will be completely pardoned and free to commit more violence under the Trump dictatorship!”

    And speaking of hypocrites (weren’t we?), unholy Donald the grifter is now hawking “God Bless the USA” BIBLES for 60 bucks. Sister Dana sez, “And this coming from the idiot who doesn’t even know how to HOLD a Bible right-side up!”

    CASTRO MERCHANTS has replaced the RAINBOW FLAG to welcome the new season. The old, retired flag joined the Castro Merchants Flag Donation Program and headed to the Hand Bookbinders of California. “A great group of people who stuck around helped us unravel a knotty situation,” Castro Merchants President Terry Asten-Bennett commented.

    In other rainbow news, District 8 Supervisor Rafael Mandelman has introduced a resolution initiating landmark designation for the RAINBOW FLAG and flagpole. The resolution officially titles the flag as “Gilbert Baker’s Rainbow Flag Installation at Harvey Milk Plaza.”

    On March 29, Mayor London Breed joined the San Francisco Fleet Week Association, U.S. Navy leadership, and other civic leaders to welcome the USNS HARVEY MILK Ship and to pay tribute to local veterans to observe National Vietnam War Veterans Day at Pier 30–32. Sister Dana sez, “Ahoy, matey!”

    Mayor Breed announced on March 29 that San Francisco has received an $8.1 million federal grant that will be dedicated to the renovation of three of five blocks of the BUCHANAN STREET MALL PROJECT in the Western Addition neighborhood. The funding will allow for the addition of many amenities including a performance stage and seating areas, a picnic and barbecue area, multiple playgrounds, an adult exercise area, and a half court for multi-sports. Construction on this project is scheduled to begin this fall.

    In more “WTF?” updates: jail-worthy, unworthy candidate Trump has attacked our President Joe Biden for having officially recognized March 31 as the annual (and ALWAYS March 31, since 2009—and every year since Biden was elected) NATIONAL TRANSGENDER DAY OF VISIBILITY—because it coincidentally fell on the same day as Easter??! Huh? Note to ex-prez Chump: The calendar for Easter day varies year to year; whereas NTDOV never varies: it’s the same DAY every year, you bombastic Bozo bigot, you!

    But thank Jesus (on His day of resurrection), the White House clapped back: “As a Christian who celebrates Easter with family, President Biden stands for bringing people together and upholding the dignity and freedoms of every American.” Sister Dana sez, “Look THAT up in your stinking sixty-dollar MAGA bible, Biblical whoremonger Trump!”

    Just a reminder for us fellow art appreciators: this Friday, April 5, 5–8 pm is the monthly CASTRO ART WALK. This self-guided hike through the “gayborhood” features more than 15 venues displaying their gorgeous artworks. Many times the featured artists are present for us connoisseurs to speak with. Many times there is wine! And if you’re lucky, there’s cheese too!

    A 1920s English seaside town bears witness to a farcical and occasionally sinister scandal in this riotous mystery comedy. Based on a stranger-than-fiction true story, WICKED LITTLE LETTERS follows two neighbors: deeply conservative local Edith Swan (Olivia Colman) and rowdy Irish migrant Rose Gooding (Jessie Buckley). When Edith and fellow residents begin to receive wicked letters full of unintentionally hilarious profanities, foul-mouthed Rose is charged with the crime. The anonymous letters prompt a national uproar, and a trial ensues. The film opens in theatres April 5. Sister Dana sez, “I have never laughed and cried so much—especially with the delicious overuse of the Eff-words! Swearing was never such fun before this funny flamboyant flick!”

    Lucas Kunce in Missouri is Democrats’ best shot to EXPAND our Senate map—winning back a seat from Josh Hawley that Democrats had just six years ago. Lucas told supporters, “Josh Hawley has spent his career crusading against reproductive rights. He led the charge to overturn Roe v. Wade, co-sponsored a national abortion ban, fought to restrict access to contraceptives, and even orchestrated judicial corruption to ban the most commonly used abortion pill, Mifepristone, in all 50 states. Now, his crusade is putting the future of families in jeopardy all across this country.”

    GLBT HISTORICAL SOCIETY MUSEUM presents YOU ARE HERE: CLAIMING YOUR PLACE IN HISTORY at the Museum, 4127 18th Street on April 11, 6–8:30 pm. For hundreds of years, small-minded groups have sought to erase LGBTQ people from the landscape and to write us out of history. At the same time as our enemies have sought to erase us, we have kept our stories alive for each other. Shared through oral traditions, hidden in plain sight through codes and secret languages, and carefully passed down from generation-to-generation, LGBTQ people have kept our stories alive for centuries. You Are Here is an intentionally incomplete exhibition, offering a timeline of some important moments in LGBTQ history. The Museum invites visitors to learn about the people and moments that have shaped the world they inhabit today, and to consider how their life will be remembered in the future. Visitors are invited to share a memory they want to live on by adding it to the timeline, and to help us imagine what comes next by declaring a hope for the future.

    Lisa Geduldig Presents … Eclectic Comedy (not on Zoom for a change). It will be live at Eclectic Box, 446 Valencia Street (between 15th & 16th Streets) on April 14, 7 pm. This will be an eclectic night of comedy presented and MC’ed by Lisa Geduldig (of Kung Pao Kosher Comedy), featuring Bay Area heavy hitter comedians Diane Amos (“The Pine Sol Lady”), Shanti Charan, Abhay Nadkarni, and Bob McIntyre.

    Alas, I have reached my word limit, but I’ve just enough column space to congratulate the three wonderful winners at our Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence 45th Anniversary on Easter Sunday in Dolores Park (all three by audience acclamation). Easter Bonnet Contest Winner Miguel (who has won that title so many different years, he should be lovingly retired to the Bonnet Hall of Fame); Foxy Mary Winner Nuestra Señora de las Putas (holding a sign boldly affirming: “Sex Worker Rights Are Human Rights”); and Hunky Jesus Winner Ken Jesus (totally Barbie pink, inside his official Barbie’s Ken doll living display box—”miracles not included.” What a glorious Easter that was!!!  

    The judge in Trump’s Manhattan criminal trial had imposed a gag order that prohibited the criminal from attacking witnesses and prosecutors in the case. So, what does the Orange Ogre do? He immediately attacks the JUDGE and his daughter. And T-rump CONTINUES to give oral and written attacks against them. Sister Dana sez, “I don’t know about YOU, but I am personally positively salivating at the thought of the upcoming April 15 trial! Lock him up!”

    Sister Dana Sez, Words of Wisdumb from a Fun Nun
    Published on April 4, 2024