Sister Dana Sez: Words of Wisdumb from a Fun Nun

Sister Dana sez, “Hey fellow pervs, Dore Alley Fair — aka Up Your Alley — is cumming! Suit up in your best leather/fetish gear and beat a path to SOMA! If you miss this, you will beat yourself up!”

UP YOUR ALLEY is a fabulous fetish fair, always on the last weekend of July in South of Market. Sunday, July 28, 11am-6pm, on Folsom Street between 9th and 11th Streets. It’s affectionately known as Folsom Street Fair’s little brother – because it’s smaller and more compact. It’s best when participated in, rather than spectated at – and not for the faint of heart. Don’t be a tourist; be a purist. There are sweaty athletes in full kit, motorcycle studs, hairy-chested muscle men, leather daddies and mamas galore. Leather and feathers and everything in between. If you’re into it, there’s a scene for you that will be right Up Your Alley. With over 10,000 sexy leatherfolk, you’re sure to find your match. Leather and fetish enthusiasts engage in serious BDSM play – right on the street! The fair features over 50 vendor booths, hot food and cold stiff drinks, boot black stations, and a dance area with the hottest DJ’s located at the intersection of 10th and Folsom.

Check out this only-in-San Francisco event that attracts your most self-indulgent band of revelers. And please put some bucks in the buckets of The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence at the gates, ‘cause the money goes to good causes. In order to accommodate the newly enacted SF nudity ordinance, from which the UYA fairgrounds is exempt, coat check will be available on 10th Street between the food court and Folsom Street.

But the night before, BAY OF PIGS is the official UYA hot fetish party, Saturday, July 27, 10pm-4am, 525 Harrison Street, featuring DJ Frank Wild and DJ Eddie Martinez. Sexy dancers, demos, plentiful play spaces. Tix at Folsom Street Events @ Eventbrite.

And the night of UYA is the official closing party, PLAY T-DANCE: THE BLACK PARTY, July 28, 5pm to midnight at Mezzanine, 444 Jesse Street. Tix at ticketfly.com.

While we’re speaking of dances, MANDANCE was a terpsichorean treat at Marines Memorial Theatre as a fundraiser for the RICHMOND/ERMET AIDS FOUNDATION. Founded in San Francisco, Artistic Director Bryon Heinrich designed MDC for dancers who can express their athleticism, sensuality, and compassion free of restraint. This was ManDance company’s 5th anniversary all-star gala. HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS was a touching tribute to Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, and Gregory Hines set to Rachmaninov’s “Rhapsody on a Theme of Paginini.” BEYOND BROKEBACK was a cowboy choreography of my favorite same-sex country western romance movie. ON BROADWAY featured the best male dance moments of Broadway, including “I Feel Pretty,” “Fiddler on the Roof,” and “Singin’ in the Rain.” NUTCRACKOR was a sneak peek of ManDance’s December 20th World Premiere. Set in 1977 Castro, it centers around Fritz and Clara as they visit Harvey Milk’s camera shop on Christmas morning. Inspired by Milk’s photos, they dream-travel to meet the Kurdish Peacock & Mayan Goddess of Flowers.

MAGNET, the hub of health and wellbeing for gay/bi men in the Castro, held their 10TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY at their 18th and Castro headquarters. Ten years to that day, they opened in 2003 (Sister Dana attended their glorious christening) with a staff of five, no volunteers, and projected to see about 1,020 guys a year. This was a brand new concept for an STD clinic – with the front being all windows, allowing visibility and not shame for clients within. This year, with a staff of 18 and 90 volunteers, Magnet has served over 7,000 clients in the last six months – with a projected 15,000 clinical visits by the end of the year. Magnet is also a comfy entertainment lounge and art gallery showcasing different, talented local artists every month.

“We believe that gay men care about their health and the health of their partners, and that gay men have a right to current and accurate information about their health, and will, in turn, make decisions to protect their health,” said Executive Director Steve Gibson. “Health includes sex and sexuality; but also includes the health of our relationships with each other, our sexual partners, our friends, and our relationships with each other and our diverse communities.”

Gibson introduced the staff; Supervisor Scott Wiener lauded the organization; and State Senator Mark Leno sent a Certificate of Commendation. Magnet in SF is serving as a model nationally with Magnet-like clinics opening – among others – in Los Angeles, Seattle, and Boston, and internationally in Vancouver, Canada, Barcelona, Cape Town, Australia, Beijing, Moscow, and
Lima, Peru.

THE SPICE GIRLS came to the Castro! Well, not the actual Spice Girls, but a fine facsimile of the Brit pop stars. One of my favorite gay male nuns, Sister Risque of the Sissytine Chapel, a member in good standing with The SF Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, held her 40th birthday at several outdoor spots in the Castro, City Hall, and Dolores Park. She is the only drag queen among four faux queens dressed like the Spice Girls. Risque (as Ginger Spice) boldly wore the British flag as a mini-dress. The troupe pulled up in their Spice Van to various locations to lip sync for the unsuspecting audiences. After that, Risque threw a delightful party in her home with her hubby Thomas, where videos of the real Spice Girls showed on the big screen – along with the faux group’s filmed antics.  Zigazig ah!

CUMMING UP!

A fabulous one-night-only performance by NADYA GINSBURG will be MADONNALOGUES! imitating Madge the Magnificent, August 6th, 8pm at Rebel nightclub, 1760 Market Street. Ginsburg has been called “the woman of a thousand voices;” Roseanne Barr has said she is “brilliant;” Joan Rivers calls her “perfection;” Perez Hilton has called her a “genius;” and Al Roker thinks “she rules!” But don’t take their and my word for it: check out youtube.com/nadyaginsburg to get a taste of her smart, sassy satire. Ginsburg is co-creator and star of photographer and filmmaker Austin Young’s webisode series, “The Worm,” where she plays Madonna, Cher, Britney Spears, Winona Ryder, Gloria Steinem, and a Giant Worm. Tix at the door, and advance at brownpapertickets.com.

SWIM FOR L.I.F.E. shopping party at Sports Basement, 1590 Bryant and 15th Streets, supports SHANTI, Wednesday, July 30th, 6-8pm. Come mingle with swimmers and friends of Shanti at Sports Basement and enjoy free drinks and snacks, while shopping to support the L.I.F.E. Program, a free, evidence-based health enhancement program for individuals living with HIV. Lifeguards not provided.

RUNWAY SILVER is the 25th annual MR. AND MISS GAPA PAGEANT hosted by Community Icon Tita Aida, featuring Mr. and Miss GAPA 2012 Jethro and Jezebel. It’s a fashion forward fundraiser for the Gay Asian Pacific Alliance, Saturday, July 27, doors 6:30, show at 7pm at The Lam Research Theatre at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts, 3rd and Howard Streets. To commemorate GAPA’s 25th anniversary, they will be visiting the Silver Screen, honoring old and new Hollywood alike! Tix at ybca.org.

BE BAD…DO GOOD: ACTIVISM WITH A BEAT is the new multimedia exhibit at the Castro GLBT HISTORY MUSEUM, 4127 18th Street, highlighting the history of REAL BAD, a queer dance party held in conjunction with the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco. This marks the 25th anniversary of the annual event. Entirely produced and funded by volunteers, the party has raised nearly $1.7 million for local LGBTQ nonprofits. The exhibit explores how compassion, creativity, and club culture coalesced in the Real Bad dance extravaganza starting in 1988. The exhibit features 1980s party ephemera; Real Bad posters, invitations and photos; a video documentary custom-made for the show; and a wall-size info-graphic tracing the fundraising impact of the party over 25 years. The exhibit runs August 8th through October 27th.

Adult flick pick: Musclebound from falconstudios.com.

Sister Dana sez, “Recently, 216 Repugnicans voted to cut all funding for food stamps from the farm bill and to give agri-business big-shots a break. They knew it would face a White House veto, but they passed it anyway. It was a statement of identity. This is who they are. Repugnant!”