Sister Dana Sez: Words of Wisdumb from a Fun Nun

By Sister Dana Van Iquity

Sister Dana sez, “Well, Spring has sprung, and Peter Cottontail is hippity hopping down the bunny trail for Easter- and that’s no April Fool!”

PEACHES CHRIST PRODUC­TIONS gave us yet another smash hit Castro Theatre show, THE WITCHES OF EASTWICK, espe­cially with Peaches’ terribly clever live-show parody, THE WITCHES OF EAST BAY starring three classic drag queen witches playing themselves: the legendary MISS COCO PERU in the Susan Sarandon role; RuPaul’s Drag Race season 4 winner CHAD MICHAELS in the dead ringer for Cher role; PEACHES CHRIST in the Michelle Pfeiffer role, and TV’s quirky Backstrom’s former male prostitute/gay sidekick to Backstrom, THOMAS DEKKER, in a spot-on Jack Nicholson role. All Flaw­less! The show opened with the three DQs lip-synching to Cliff Richard’s “Devil Woman.” They have been summoned to Walnut Creek (“Where Nothing Ever Happens,” according to the billboard) – newly emancipat­ed from Heklina – by the only drag there, religious fanatic Miss Fellatio Alden (Peggy L’eggs) on a dark and stormy night (beautifully utilizing the giant Castro screen for many differ­ent visual effect scenes). The devilishly nasty Daryl Van Horny (Dekker) ar­rived to eventually seduce all three ladies. But not before Chad can lip-synch “If I Could Turn Back Time” in Cher’s daring battleship costume from decades ago and “Dark Lady,” and Coco “fiddles around” with her cello and sings live Annie Lennox’s “Here Comes The Rain Again” and “Touch-a Touch-a Touch Me” from Rocky Horror Picture Show. Daryl lips an operatic “Nessun Dorma” from Tu­randot to seal the deal for a four-way relationship. Meanwhile busybody Miss Alden is hexed into a broken leg and finally a mental collapse after barfing and pooping out a ton of cher­ry pits and singing “Ch-Ch-Cherry Bomb” among eight dancing devils. The witches fashioned a voodoo doll of Daryl to try to break away from his spell; but alas, they still became preg­nant and each gave birth to baby drag queen devil spawn. Then the entire cast joined together to do Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” in a brilliant finale. Be­witching!

Sister Dana sez, “Don’t miss the next spectacular PC Productions parody by Peaches Christ of Drop Dead Gorgeous on May 9th starring Bendelacreme, Jinkx Monsoon, Peaches, Pando­ra Boxx, and Suppositori Spell­ing!”

KREWE DE KINQUE, the only Mardi Gras-themed LGBTQ fund­raising society in EssEff, celebrated our 12th annual Mardi Gras masked ball, FULL MOON OVER SHANG­HAI at Balancoire, a fundraiser for HOUSING RIGHTS COMMIT­TEE OF SF. There we crowned our Krewe de Kinque King XII Gio Adame & Queen XII David Her­rera, and held the stepping down cer­emony for Krewe de Kinque King XI Joseph Nunez & Queen XI Li’l Kim Chee. Our Grand Marshal, for­mer Assemblyman Tom Ammia­no (a stalwart advocate for housing as a human right), led our Second Line Parade around the premises (followed closely by KDK founder King I Gary Virginia). The VIP Reception was hosted by Southern Comfort & Bal­ançoire. Laissez les bons temps rouler (We “let the good times roll”) with the Dix­ieland Dykes +3 band and “Shang­hai Discotheque” with DJ Sergio Fedasz (Go BANG!). Emcees were KDK Queen IX BeBe Sweetbriar & KDK King X Kippy Marks. National Anthem was by KDK Mem­ber Aaron Priskorn. Empress Khmera Rouge & KDK Queen X Kit Tapata performed «The Em­press is a Man!» KDK King X Kip­py Marks played electric violin with “Strings of Shanghai.” Performers and their acts included: Tom Basch – “Great Wall of China, Eight Miles Wide;” Kipper Snacks -”Take Me On A Trip, Boy;” KDK King XI Jo­seph Nunez – “Hong Kong Garden;” KDK Queen XI Li’l Kim Chee – “Lis­ten, Queen!;” Tiger Lily – “Wake Me Up in San Francisco;” KDK Queen II Deana Dawn – “Chop Suey on Grant Avenue;” Miss Eva Sensitiva – “Swing from the Moon;” Emperor Kevin Lisle – “Year of the Ram;” Nicole Monsoon – “Blue Moon of Kentucky;” Empress Misty Blue – “Can’t Fight the Moonlight ; and KDK Queen VIII Garza – “Butter­fly Over the Moon.” KDK Queen VII Sister Dana sez, “It was a ball! Liter­ally!”

OUT & EQUAL WORKPLACE ADVOCATES celebrated MO­MENTUM at their annual gala din­ner at Nikko Hotel. A record crowd was on hand to honor the ground­breaking TV show Transparent, about a late-in-life transition. Actor Amy Landecker accepted the award and spoke movingly about what being part ofTransparent means to her. She said the Momentum Leadership Award for Transparent’s impact on the LGBT community was more significant than winning a Golden Globe. We were entertained by the fabulous humor­ist Kate Clinton. When applauding Salesforce’s decision to suspend busi­ness in Indiana after the passing of a discriminatory bill, she quipped, “I’m not going to vacation in Indiana any­more!” The Klipptones provided the perfect soundtrack to the evening, even stepping outside their jazz reper­toire for the perfect ending to the gala. The Momentum celebration followed three days of their Executive Forum that convened 50 LGBT executives to discuss best practices for achieving LGBT workplace equality.

SOIREE 2015 was THE SF LGBT COMMUNITY CENTER’s largest fundraising event of the year, held at City View inside The Metreon, with a VIP dinner followed by a party un­til midnight. This year’s theme was LIMITLESS, and promised to be “a celebration of our community’s fu­ture” that “will invoke a vision of the future and the world we are all hop­ing to create.” SFLGBTCC Executive Director Rebecca Rolfe gave an inspiring message about our limitless future. She gave us a little autobiog­raphy of how she first came out in the ‘80s (“Think flannel shirt,” she joked) and fast forward to today, when her partner Susan and she got married this year. She looked forward to the U.S. Supreme Court once and for all giving queers Federal marriage equal­ity. Senator Mark Leno presented a Certificate of Recognition to the Community Center. Mayor Ed Lee spoke of the importance of the Com­munity Center. He said, “We have a lot of work ahead of us, and I need a great community and community center behind me.” He noted despite the cuts in the Federal budget, “San Francisco has been strong enough to fill those gaps.” He added the need to assure for more affordable housing here. VIP entertainment was provided by gorgeous high opera by Breanna Sinclaire, the first transgender grad­uate of the SF Conservatory of Music to receive a master’s degree in opera. She was accompanied by Ms. Jack­son on sound. Sinclaire closed out the VIP show with the truly thematically appropriate “Climb Every Mountain” from The Sound of Music. Performances for the party were by graceful, dar­ing aerialist Nina Sawant; drag queen VivvyAnne ForeverMORE lip-synching Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA” and teaching us the proper choreography for that num­ber; Jet Noir with some space-age dance moves; and the incredible Miss Rahni NothingMore as The Fifth Element alien creature lip-synching opera and then bursting into some very hot Whitney Houston stuff. DJs Jaqi Sparrow, Bret Bower­man, and Carrie on Disco gave us fierce music for dancing.

CUMMING UP!

The live-stage version of the hit Brit­ish sitcom, ABSOLUTELY FABU­LOUS: Season Two, is playing at The Exit theatre, 156 Eddy Street, April through June. Yes, Edina and Patsy are back in town after a smash-hit run of Season One at Stagewerx last fall. Directed by Christian Hep­pinstall, costume designer: Craig Marotzke. Featuring the original six episodes: Hospital, Death, Morocco, New Best Friend, Poor and Birth. Friday and Saturday, 8pm, Hospital and Death: April 3rd-4th, 10th-11th. theexit.org

Last year, our beloved COOKIE DOUGH offered her MONSTER SHOW as a fun(d)raiser for The Sis­ters of Perpetual Indulgence on the Thursday before Easter (our anniver­sary). In her memory, we are back for round two! Join The Sisters on Thurs­day, April 2nd at The Edge, 4149 18th Street, 10pm, for HOLY BROAD­WAY! a night full of excitement, camp, and a little blasphemy – as we offer our unique interpretations of some of your favorite religiously themed Broadway musicals. Sister Dana will even per­form, so bring rotten fruit!

BAD FLOWER PRODUCTIONS and THE SISTERS OF PERPET­UAL INDULGENCE will help kick off The Sisters’ Annual Easter Week­end with the wildly fun and outra­geous FOURTH ANNUAL SING ALONG JESUS CHRIST SUPER­STAR at the Victoria Theatre. The Good Friday event will be hosted by local transgender musician, Storm­Miguel Florez and Sister Phyliss Withe Litaday, and will feature a costume contest including a prize for Best Chunky Jesus! The event is a benefit for the San Francisco Trans March, one of the largest trans* events in the world. April 3rd, 7pm, Victoria Theatre, 2961 16th Street. badflower. com

It’s Easter in Golden Gate Park with your SISTERS OF PERPETUAL INDULGENCE, INC. once more. Join us while we celebrate our 36th Anniversary with a Post-Modern San Francisco County Fair theme, #WTF MARY?! HUNKY JE­SUS TAKE THE WHEEL! Tons of LIVE Performances including: Red Hots Burlesque • Empress Khmera Rouge • Kippy Marks • Sundance Saloon • Joe Rut • The Monster Show • FouFouHa! • Boys of Bearlesque: San Fran­cisco • Momma’s Boyz • GayC/ DC • TrashKan Marchink Band – TKMB. Sunday, April 5th, adults = noon- 4pm; Children’s Easter, 11am; Bonnet Contest,1pm, Foxy Mary Con­test, 2pm; Hunky Jesus Contest, 3pm. Hellman Hollow, Golden Gate Park. Sister Dana and Sister Roma judge contests as usual.

San Francisco’s only all-male revue is back by popular demand! Oasis proudly presents an encore perfor­mance of the sold-out debut show with added numbers that will leave you begging for more. BALONEY is back with a vengeance, now with TWO nights of scantily-clad boys behaving badly. Choreographed by Rory Da­vis, Directed by Michael Phillis, featuring Rory Davis, Adam Roy, James Martin, Shaun Mullen, Moe Arikat, Michael Phillis, Tim Wingert, Simon Palczynski, Alex Steinhaus, & Aaron Sara­zan. Oasis Nightclub & Cabaret, 298 11th Street, boxoffice@sfoasis.com, (415) 795-3180

AMBER’S DISCO CABARET is Saturday, April 11th, 9pm-2am at Club OMG, 43 6th Street, a fundrais­er for COMFORT & JOY. “Come out and play with us, meet new friends, bitch with old friends, dance all night, cruise heavily, get silly, and most of all be LOVED!” says Amber.

Sister Dana sez, “Congressional Repug­nicans just won’t quit being heartless. Last week, when the Republicans controlling the U.S. House and Senate introduced their budgets, between them they called for a com­mission to cut Social Security and to destroy Medicare and Medicaid outright. Do they care for nothing but the oligarchy?! Will they not rest until they demolish the entire middle class and poor?!”