By Andrea Shorter–
1.5 million and rising: the number of people the world over infected by coronavirus as of this writing.
Soon enough, if not already, more of us will personally know of someone who has contracted the virus, is quarantined for having been in contact with someone who has tested positive, is hospitalized with the virus, or know of an individual who has lost someone to the virus. Daily, we inch closer to being at the proverbial “Kevin Bacon six degrees of separation” from the life-threatening impacts of the coronavirus.
It is all about six feet of separation now, and hardly proverbial.
Six feet of separation correlates into the crucial figures driving the peaks, waves, apexes, and eventual flattening of the curve on the spread of the coronavirus. Six feet could mean whether or not we experience the projected overwhelming loss of life within a matter of months to coronavirus, or not. We brace for the numbers of contraction of the virus to continue to climb in the near future. Sheltering-in-place and maintaining six feet of physical separation remain crucial behaviors that we can control to measurably lessen the loss of life.
Thank you to our leaders in California, Washington, and major municipalities such as San Francisco and Los Angeles, for driving collective behavioral changes to withstand the difference between furthering rampant spread of the virus. Once official directives were made to shelter-in and maintain physical distance, aside from calling, texting, zooming, facetiming, etc., to connect with family and friends, the other immediate connections I sought were with our regional domestic and family violence advocates and service providers.
As the numbers climb daily regarding the impact of the coronavirus, the reality remains that each of us is more likely to know personally someone who has or is surviving intimate partner or family violence, if not having survived such violence ourselves.
With these concerns in mind, I want to share the following advisory we issued from San Francisco’s Commission and the Department on the Status of Women with and on behalf of survivors:
While the COVID-19 pandemic requires social distancing and #StayHome, for many, home is a place of abuse. According to the CDC, one in four women and one in seven men will experience physical violence by their intimate partner at some point during their lifetimes. Intimate partner violence alone affects more than 12 million people each year, and 30 to 60 percent of intimate partner violence perpetrators also abuse children in the household.
While families are confined to their homes, some examples of how abuse can play out include:
Increased Abuse: The abuse may worsen during this time as survivors may be spending more time in contact with their abusers. Survivors may also experience new or different types of abuse during this time.
Isolation: Abusers can use this time to further isolate survivors from their loved ones.
Parenting: Survivors who co-parent their children with their abusers may be facing unique challenges during these times, such as barriers to visitation and/or increased exposure to the abuser due to lack of accessible childcare. For example, in 
order for a survivor to work, he/she/they may need to utilize their abuser for childcare.
Safety Tips from Survivors
Identify at least two people whom you can contact with a “code word” to let them know if you are in trouble. Plan in advance what they should do if you send them the code word.
If there is an argument, identify an area of the home you can move to where there are no weapons. Make a mental note of ways for you to leave the house, apartment, or building, such as a door or window, to exit. For some survivors, especially those quarantined at home with an abuser during coronavirus, no room may feel safe, so we call it the “safest rooms.” If you can at least identify the lowest risk areas, you may be able to reduce harm.
Code Words: If you have children, decide how to communicate urgency. For example, when one survivor’s daughter was little, the survivor would open her arms and the daughter knew that meant to come running to her for safety. Some survivors also create a “code word” with their children that means they should go to the “safest room” in the home that you have already decided upon.
Emergency Numbers: If for some reason you are not able to make emergency calls and you have children, give them your emergency safety numbers, if they are old enough. Please see the resources listed later in this piece for some emergency phone numbers.
Ahead of time, you can notify your local police station of your concerns. Let them know the history and your concern of being in isolation due to coronavirus. It may be useful to speak with the Domestic Violence officer.
In case you have to flee, create an exit plan ahead of time with someone who could support this need. Is there a trusted friend or relative with whom you can stay?
Check your supplies and food. If you need food and do not have the money, check your local pantry, temple, church, mosque, etc., or other community organizations. Remember to keep your medication in the safest, easily accessible location in case of emergency.
Pack an emergency bag with an extra set of keys, clothes for you and your children, a pay-as-you-go cell phone, medications, copies of important documents, etc.
Make copies or take pictures of your important documents for yourself and send them to a trusted friend or relative. Important documents may include IDs, social security cards, immigration documents, birth certificates, health insurance information, and Orders of Protection. As mentioned earlier, be mindful of sending anything via phone or computer. Please use whatever method is safest for you.
With social distancing and quarantining, survivors can feel even more isolated, and abusers may use further isolation as a power and control tactic. Identify trusted friends, relatives, or even online support groups where you can still connect virtually. If you have a friend who may be experiencing abuse, be sure to reach out to them even more during this time.
Many survivors are feeling forced to spend more time with an abuser during the coronavirus outbreak because they may feel unsafe leaving the home, as well as unsafe staying in the home. If you cannot leave your home, try to create a “peaceful space” for yourself in your home (if that is safe for you). You can draw pictures of a more peaceful place and put them on a wall to help you take an emotional break to visualize a more peaceful place. This is also an activity you can do with your children. You can also write positive affirmations and put them up on the wall to remind yourself of your worth.
Consider keeping a list of your safety plan in your phone or wherever might be safe for you. Please consider what is safest for you. If you choose to write your plan somewhere, consider listing only keywords that help you remember the plan, but that would not be clear to your abuser. If this is not safe, try to memorize your plan, focusing on memorizing at least one key emergency number on your list of resources.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) remains open 24/7 at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and at www.thehotline.org
Let’s be mindful that for survivors or those in need of help, computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you are afraid that your internet usage might be monitored, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at 1-800-799-7233 or TTY 1-800-787-3224. The NDVH also has a private chat service available to more securely assist those in need.
As an ally, please share these advisories and hotline number by posting in your Nextdoor app commentaries, on Facebook, on your refrigerator, and wherever else makes sense in your situation as someone who can help a neighbor, friend, sister, brother, co-worker, and others potentially at risk.
Everyone has a right to feel and be safe within the confines of their home. As we work together to stem the tide of this global pandemic by maintaining our physical distance from each other, let’s maintain our closeness to the unintended impacts of that distancing, including domestic and family violence. Staying safe together means looking out for one another. At six paces or doors away from one another, help remains a phone call, text, or email away. Stay safe.
Andrea Shorter is a Commissioner and the former President of the historic San Francisco Commission on the Status of Women. She is a longtime advocate for criminal and juvenile justice reform, voter rights and marriage equality. A Co-Founder of the Bayard Rustin LGBT Coalition, she was a 2009 David Bohnett LGBT Leadership Fellow at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government.
Published on April 9, 2020
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