By Dina Novarr–
Nothing says “the universe hates you” quite like a snake in your cocktail. Just ask Carletta Andrews, who experienced nature’s most twisted bartending trick when a baby snake fell from the ceiling, bounced off her forehead, and landed in her margarita at Patron Mexican Restaurant in Virginia.
“I leaned in to take a sip and noticed something hit me in the forehead,” Andrews told reporters, describing what might be the worst garnish in culinary history. The snake, who seemingly was unimpressed with the establishment’s mixology skills, proceeded to wrap itself around her straw—the serpentine equivalent of a drink review. (Full story here:
https://bit.ly/43EfBfC)
My coworker Rafa didn’t need a reptile intervention to embrace sobriety, though arguably it might have accelerated his timeline. His wake-up call was less theatrical but equally effective. No snakes required—just the slow, crushing realization that his relationship with alcohol had all the unhealthy characteristics of a boa constrictor’s hug.
Rafa describes sobriety like a whiplash: a cold turkey approach to lucidity. “Every social situation becomes a fascinating study when you’re the only sober person in the room,” he notes. “You realize human communication after 10 pm is just increasingly loud nonsense punctuated by
laughter at jokes no one actually made.”
The universe speaks to us in mysterious ways. For some, it’s a snake in a margarita. For others, it’s waking up with a hangover that feels like your brain is attempting to escape through your eye sockets. Tomayto, tomahto.
In his post-alcoholic renaissance, Rafa has become that most terrifying of creatures: the sober non-alcoholic beer connoisseur who has the wiring of a master mixologist. He exclusively drinks Brewdog Hazy AF, describing its taste with the reverent detail of a sommelier: “It’s got notes of citrus, tropical fruit … ,” without the lingering smugness. And while drinking his beverage, he comes up with delectable drink recipes like Trade Secret, a delicious Thai-inspired tequila beverage.
While Rafa no longer drinks alcohol, he still maintains his reputation as the mixologist, doling out his infamous “Trade Secret” recipe to colleagues with the zealotry of a reformed sinner turned evangelist. The cocktail—a complex concoction involving ingredients that would make both a bartender and an exorcist raise their eyebrows—is reportedly “life-changing.” It is much like finding a snake in your margarita, though with less screaming and imbibing. The fact that he crafts these liquid masterpieces without sampling them himself is either admirable discipline or the bartending equivalent of a bomb technician cutting wires with their eyes closed. Maybe a little bit of both.
1.5 oz Don Fulano Reposado
.75 oz Thai Shrub (see recipe)
.25 oz lime juice
.5 oz egg white
bitters to taste
edible flower such as pansy, marigold, or rose for
garnish
Thai Shrub
1 quart rice wine vinegar (unsweetened)
2 oz jalapeño, cut into pieces
4 oz dry coconut
4 oz ginger, cut into pieces
4 oz lemongrass
sugar (see instructions)
Add all shrub ingredients and store in the refrigerator for 5 days. Strain remaining liquid. Measure remaining liquid and add 3/4 sugar to liquid
(100 oz infused vinegar to 75 oz sugar, as an example of ratio) and bring to quick boil and shut off.
Cool sweetened shrub mixture. Combine with the Don Fulano Reposado, lime juice, and egg white in a cocktail shaker. Shake hard and double strain over a coupe glass. Garnish with bitters and a flower.
San Francisco-based Dina Novarr enjoys sharing her passion for fine wines, spirits, non-alcoholic craft beverages, and more with others.
Cocktails with Dina
Published on May 22, 2025
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