By Dr. Tim Seelig–
You probably thought that TLC stood for Tender Loving Care. It usually does, but I’ve used the acronym differently for decades in programming music for concerts. The more I have thought about it, the more I realize it is a recipe for life. Everything we experience in life falls into one or more of the three “food groups”: tears, laughs, and chill bumps.
How do you balance all three? I constantly hear about this on my favorite cooking shows. You can make a fabulous, sweet dessert, but if you forget that dash of salt, you’ll get chopped. If you make your favorite Italian red sauce (“gravy” for you Northerners) and forget that “spoonful of sugar” to balance the tomatoes, you’re packing up your knives.
There are a lot of delicious descriptions of life as food: a bowl of cherries, a box of chocolates, and more. Each cherry is a year in our life. We gobble them when we’re young and then realize we have fewer left than we ate! That’s when we start tasting each remaining cherry slowly and intensely. As for chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get until you bite into it (or poke out the bottom, as I love to do). Then there is the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Overused, yes, but still good advice.
Maybe there is a way to get through life without the TLCs. That is not living. That’s existing. Sometimes we retreat into a comfort cocoon, adding layers of protection from deep emotions. Allow me to share excerpts from a spectacular poem by Andrea Gibson titled “Acceptance Speech After Setting the World Record in Goosebumps.” The full version is available online. You can also hear her read it on YouTube.
How do our life’s experiences fall into the three buckets, under the three umbrellas, or in the three file folders?
Tears
Tears seem to be the easy “bucket,” or at least they should be. Crying by ourselves is one thing. Crying in front of others requires vulnerability and courage. Do your eyes moisten with the first notes of Sara McLachlan singing “In the Arms of an Angel” accompanied by photos or heartbreaking animals in dire life situations? Do you cry at movies? How about at loss and pain? I have personally lived through many losses. I have wept so long and hard that the tears dried up. We cry at beauty. We cry at weddings. When is the last time you’ve had a really good cry?
Laughs
The line between tears and laughs is a fine one. The best example of all is the cemetery scene in Steel Magnolias. It is an absolute classic. During one of the most heart-wrenching scenes ever filmed, we hear, “Slap her!” “Are you high, Clarice?” Everyone transitions from weeping to gales of laughter instantly.
I come from funny. My Mother was the funniest woman—at least the funniest Baptist woman—I have ever known. My daughter was the second funniest. As they say, she was me without the filters. My son is hilarious. We use our humor for many reasons. Each of us has different things that make us laugh. Considering tears, laughs, and chill bumps, laughs are the easiest of the three for me. I probably over-season my life with this ingredient!
Chill Bumps
Finally, the best ingredient of all: chill bumps, otherwise known as goosebumps or Paula Abdul’s “goosies” made famous on American Idol. This one may be difficult to define. Andrea certainly started us off with her beautiful poem.
The chill bumps happen in those unexpected moments of beauty. For those of us who are moved by music, they can happen there. A stunning sunrise or sunset, a work of art or dance, a child putting their hand in yours as you walk, or a speech that really resonates can trigger them. For me, they happen a lot when experiencing anything related to Dr. Maya Angelou. I’m very fortunate to have worked with her on many occasions—from enjoying conversations in her kitchen to organizing her 80th birthday celebration.
She was a walking chill bump.
Now here’s your homework. Dust off your memory. Peel away the layers of protection you may have installed. Make a list of the things that have moved you to tears or laughs or chill bumps. When you get to chill bumps, as Andrea has done, give yourself some scores. See if you might be close to the world record.
When you look at the recipe of your life, what’s missing? How do you fix it? Is it sugar, salt, laughter, tears? If you’re missing chill bumps and you don’t know where to look, go hear or watch a video of your local LGBTQ+ chorus performing. That should do it. They’ve figured it out!
Dr. Tim Seelig is the Conductor Laureate of the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus. http://www.timseelig.com/
TLC: Tears, Laughs and Conversation
Published on March 13, 2025
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