Last week, I attended a fantastic program, one that recharged my batteries. It was designed to “inspire and support” volunteers who work directly with sick and/or dying clients. While most of my wedding couples are in good health, not all are. As I also officiate at funerals, I thought the topic would be beneficial for me. Additionally, I knew that I could use some inspiration and support in my own life.
The presenter, Arina Isaacson, was terrific. In just over an hour she taught us how to share a story so that we would be better able to connect with others. Her tag line, “Step up your presence,” encouraged us to learn how to live large, letting our individual energy shine. Ms. Isaacson’s parting thought was: “Your story matters, so tell it.”
I think now of Stuart, who moved to San Francisco in the late 80’s for AIDS treatment, since treatment was lacking then even in the country’s third largest city, Chicago. As a straight man who knew no one here and was 1,800 miles from his wife and friends, Stuart felt isolated, alone and vulnerable. I met Stuart delivering food to him. We connected by talking about growing up in the same suburb, and the trials and tribulations of marriage. At the time I was married to a woman. I invited Stuart to join my extended family at a holiday dinner. Crowded around a long table, he cried in relief. It was the first time he felt grounded and accepted since moving to the City.
I believe the sense of fitting in is why I enjoy Pride season. While living in San Francisco, I can be my authentic self year round. I particularly enjoy Pride’s events, parties and films. I love riding the J-Church on Pride Sunday. As far away as 30th Street, it is packed with rainbow-wearing celebrants.
My coming out story, from June 1993, includes volunteering as a safety monitor at the Pride Parade one month after I came out. I was stationed along the parade route, which allowed me to see each and every contingent. I felt part of this large, fun, colorful, and important celebration! From watching Dykes on Bikes to elected officials and PFLAG, I was standing tall, proud of who I was.
I shared my excitement with my mom on the phone that night, sharing with her how there were over two hours of floats and groups proudly marching down Market Street! Being as she was totally loving toward me, and was like a second mom to a coworker who was thrown out of his own family for coming out, my mother’s response stunned me when she replied, “What is there to be proud about in being gay?” I mumbled something about being proud of all aspects of myself. I didn’t have the words then to adequately convey the joy I felt in being among tens of thousands of out, proud gay people.
Over the years I have come to realize that pride is not just about living my life without shame, but rather fully engaging with people as the complete me. Pride is knowing that people love me, not in spite of my being gay, but because my life experiences have made me the person who I am today. People really do value my feelings, intuition and soft manner, and don’t judge me for how far I can, or cannot, throw a ball.
Pride is being fully oneself. Bringing one’s whole self and being present, so that using our individual strengths, we can work together to create a better world.
Your story does matter. Be proud. Tell it.
Happy Pride Season! Wave at me as I carry this newspaper’s banner during the parade.
Howard M. Steiermann is an Ordained Ritual Facilitator based in San Francisco. For more information, please visit www.SFHoward.com
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