By Jennifer Viegas–
A decade after the creation of “Betty’s List,” its founder Dr. Betty Sullivan was profiled in the San Francisco Chronicle on June 21, 2006. Both the feature by Chronicle staff writer Patricia Yollin (who died in 2020) and the accompanying photos by Chris Stewart managed to capture an essence of Betty that, at least to me, rings true even now some sixteen years later.
Yollin began the piece as follows: “When it’s 5:30 am and she can hear the owner of a gay bar down the street dumping empty beer cans into the trash, even the highly nocturnal Betty Sullivan knows she’s been up too long. After all, she’s 53 now, several incarnations removed from the Ole Miss sorority girl, divorced single mother, Tennessee schoolteacher, and high-powered East Coast consultant that she used to be. It’s time to turn off the computer and go to bed. When Sullivan wakes up at the ‘crack of noon,’ as she likes to do, she can return to ‘Betty’s List’ again. And to her Web site. And to her blog. And to the events she stages. And to the cable TV show she appears on every week. In the world of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning San Francisco, Sullivan is ubiquitous.”
I should add that including these words and the portrait of Betty in the San Francisco Bay Times, which she co-publishes with me in addition to remaining at the helm of “Betty’s List,” was not at all her idea. It was solely mine, and for a few different reasons.
LGBTQ Community Leader and Internet Visionary
The first requires going back in time to the early 1990s. From 1990–1991, there were less than 50 websites in the world. (The Exploratorium’s site was one of them! It was one of the first science museums to have an online presence.) In 1992, what most consider to be the modern-day internet was born, leading to rapid growth and an explosion of new sites that continues to the present. EBay and Craigslist were founded in 1995, for example, and were great innovations at the time. That same year, Betty in her own life was experiencing tremendous change, having relocated from Washington, D.C., to Santa Cruz for a relationship that did not last long.
Yollin wrote: “Heartbroken, Sullivan moved to the city. ‘Here I was in the mecca of the gay world and I didn’t know anybody,’ Sullivan recalled. That quickly changed. Sullivan had worked in the nation’s capital for eight years as director of education at the Newspaper Association of America. She had taught at Columbia University in New York, where she’d received a doctorate in linguistics. She’d traveled extensively—Brazil, South Africa, Sweden, Japan—showing how newspapers could be used as a classroom teaching tool. Her resume was hefty. It all added up to an enormous list of contacts and ‘data coming out the wazoo.’
And so, in late 1996, it made perfect sense to send out an e-mail to dozens of women about an upcoming lesbian dance. That’s how ‘Betty’s List,’ formerly the ‘Sullivan Communications Big List,’ got its start.”
By 2006, thousands of individuals had joined “Betty’s List” or at least knew about it, but not everyone had a chance to meet Betty in person, much less realize that there is an actual Betty. This is understandable, given popular brands such as Betty Crocker stamped with a fictitious name and person.
The Chronicle feature therefore highlighted an LGBTQ community leader and internet visionary while also revealing, in Wizard of Oz fashion, the humanity behind all of the virtual communications. Yollin and Stewart entered Betty’s self-described “cave” (office) and showed us the “Betty’s List” founder in all of her jock-attired realness. Betty was a star basketball player and softball ace. She enjoys hiking and going into nature, as hinted by her hoodie in the portrait purchased during one of her trips to Yosemite.
Then and Now
As for all photo portraits, the image of Betty by Stewart captured a particular moment in time. The photographer had nearly finished the session when Betty’s yellow tabby Louie the Great, curious about what was going on, stared at Stewart while still desiring Betty’s attention. In the split second that Betty swung around to pet Louie, the gesture was captured along with so much more: the buzz of her work space with multiple computer and TV screens; her penchant for post-it notes and important documents neatly taped in full view; the mix of French Provincial, Victorian, and California Arts and Crafts decor; and, for keen-eyed viewers, her second cat at the time, calico Miss Frances.
Louie and Miss Frances sadly went over the rainbow bridge several years ago, but now there is tabby Detective Dickie Lou “Buddy” Bonks, otherwise known as the San Francisco Bay Times cat. The electronics have been upgraded, the space has shifted somewhat, and there is more elaborate decor, but overall, it is much the same and is still located in Betty’s beautiful and inviting Castro district Victorian home. She could have become a professional interior decorator, a skill that comes naturally to her. She is a talented cook as well. Her kitchen, with its heirloom cast iron pans and mix of vintage dishware and lighting, would look at home next to Julia Child’s kitchen, now commemorated at the Smithsonian.
The Chronicle piece included another photo, offering a glimpse of Betty’s “full-tilt diva” look that she attributes to the Betty “character.” When she is in that mode, watch out, world! Check out this other image, and the rest of the Yollin piece, here: https://tinyurl.com/ynct9v9e
A Joint Birthday Celebration
What also inspired me to revisit the 2006 story and photo was the passing last month of Betty’s brother and only sibling, Stan. On an extended vacation in Florida, he had a bicycling accident and died due to complications from the injuries. I saw a lot of Betty in Stan, and vice versa, and liked him very much. Even in the ICU, he could flash a smile and crack a joke that would light up the room. His death came as a complete shock to me, and led to Betty traveling to and from the funeral in a difficult journey that included severe tornado threats and very long delays. During one phone call to me, I could hear airport personnel in the background calling for her and other passengers to move away from any windows and take shelter in the bathrooms.
It goes without saying that life is short and uncertain. Meaningful portraits can open a floodgate of emotions and memories. Think of your own loved ones, and consider the image(s) that mean the most to you. Chances are that during an emergency, they will be among the few items you will want to take with you.
The anniversary of my first meeting Betty is today, April 7. Some people think that we are married; we are not. As she once told the Bay Area Reporter, “I’m married to the community.” She added, in response to other questions, “Am I a lesbian? Well, I used to be, and in fact, I still am. But I am also—in the spirit of President John Kennedy’s famous quotation, ‘Ich bin ein Berliner’—a gay man, bisexual, transwoman, transman, intersex, questioning, drag queen, drag king, bio queen, and probably a few more if I knew what they were. I love them all.”
Betty has a beloved daughter, Liz, with Liz’s other mother Audrey; son-in-law John; and granddaughter Callie; but she continues to give so much of her life to the Bay Area LGBTQ community. I know that many of you, like me, love her in return. Please then consider attending a very special birthday celebration for both her and Donna Sachet on April 28 at The Academy in the Castro from 6 pm–10 pm. (Betty’s actual birthday is April 27; Donna’s is April 26.) Betty and Donna share a history together that goes well beyond my time knowing her. Donna truly is her First Lady of the Castro, I believe, as Donna is for countless others due to her own important life’s work. The birthdays are not milestones, but every year counts and living for today is very much on our minds now. Register here: https://tinyurl.com/2ks6z8mt
Jennifer Viegas is a Co-Publisher of the “San Francisco Bay Times.”
Published on April 7, 2022
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