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    A Letter to the Editor from Nan Parks

    (Editor’s Note: Nan Parks is back! As Ann Rostow recently wrote, “Do any longtime readers remember my secret alter ego, the inane Bay Times “columnist” Nan Parks from back in the day? Nan particularly liked the fall and winter because her favorite season, summer, always lay ahead. Summer, on the other hand, made her sad, because by the time it arrived, it was soon to be over.” “Nan” was inspired to write after reading the recent marriage announcement in The New York Times for Susie Bright and Jon Bailiff. The article in “Mini-Vows” is entitled “Love, Marriage, Sex (Not Necessarily in That Order)”

    ( ). Bright, we hope, is enjoying her honeymoon now and, along with Nan, we send our congratulations.)

    Hi Miss Sullivan! It’s Nan Parks here from years ago at the Bay Times! Can you mail this note to Susie Bright, the former lesbian who just got married! I don’t know if she is now using her married name, which would be Susie Bailiff, but anyway I don’t have her address but you might be able to find it in your files because she has written for the paper before. I’m enclosing a forever stamp! Thanks!

    Dear Susie,

    You probably don’t remember me, but I used to write a “column” for the San Francisco Bay Times and it was about the “straight” side of things because I guess the paper was all about you gay and lesbian folks and I thought it might be fun to show you people how the “other side” lived and anyway I asked one of the new gals at the newspaper to send you this note if she could find a way because she is a lesbian and I remembered that you were quite a big deal in the lesbian “community” and even considered a “sexpert” if I recall correctly and I figured she might know where you lived.

    So anyway, my sister Carol sent me a copy of the article in The New York Times that said you had gotten married and you could have knocked me over with a feather because back in the olden days when I was writing my column you were a lesbian (or so it seemed!) and now I read that you’ve been dating your fellow for 32 years, which means that you were actually straight way back then! And Carol said that you were “bi,” which means that you were dating a gal and a guy and I guess the gal was “Honey” and then Carol said that if someone is “bi” it doesn’t mean that they automatically date two people at once and I must say the whole discussion gave me a headache because I guess I never quite “got it” with you people and it’s only gotten more complicated as the years have gone by with people changing genders or not having any gender at all and I must say that, back when I was a schoolgirl in Novato, I had a classmate named Jane who called herself “Jon” like “John” without the “h” and she was quite a tomboy and very good at sports and if you didn’t know her you would never know whether or not she was a boy or a girl but that didn’t seem to bother her one bit!

    (And one time the girls were playing kickball and I was on first base and she ran into me so hard I fell over and twisted my ankle and had to go to the infirmary for an ice pack and she tried to apologize later on and I told her that if she wanted to play like a boy she should join the boys team and stay away from the rest of us and I said it in a mean way and she cried and I sort of felt badly about that.)

    Well, I just wanted to tell you that I was pleased as punch to learn about your Joyful News even though from what I read it seems to me that you and your man could have tied the knot long ago and I’m not sure what the holdup was considering you both seem so happy. And I know I shouldn’t say it, but I’m kind of tickled to see that you’ve been playing on “my team” all this time and I never knew it! Because even if you’re “bi,” if someone gets married that kind of “fixes” them on one side or the other and I remember when my friend Lois got “married” to another gal I was a little depressed about that but that only lasted a couple of years, which didn’t surprise me because anyone could tell that her “wife” Carla was not an honest person and whenever we saw her she was always putting on a show for everyone and even Carol agreed even though it was Carol who introduced Lois and Carla to begin with although she (Carol) claimed she never liked Carla but by the time those two got together it was too late for any of us to tell Lois she was dating a very unpleasant individual because Lois was head over heels!

    So anyway, a big “Good Luck” to you and your new husband, and I was wondering if you are going to change your name now because “Susie Bright” is really a lovely name and it reminds me of a shining star but at the same time it’s nice to share a name after you get married and I remember I used to write “Nan Parks” and “Mrs. Doug Parks” on my notebooks when I was dating Doug and I just loved the feeling of becoming a real family.

    Susie Bright and Jon Baliff

    And speaking of names, I don’t know if you remember I used to write about Carol’s fun friend Ghislaine from France but she still lives in the Bay Area and Carol tells me she’s annoyed as heck that this other Ghislaine is all over the papers for helping that creepo Jeffrey Epstein seduce all those young girls because she feels as if her name is dragged through the mud and I have to admit I’ve been pleased by the fact that I’m the only one in my circle who knows how to pronounce “Ghislaine” because I’ve known my Ghislaine for so long but I haven’t told her that because I think she’d think I was twisting everything around to make it all about me, which is sort of true. But still! (It’s pronounced “Ghee” as in the Indian butter, which is really a healthy alternative to regular oils, and “Len” like in the man’s name.) 

    Anyway! All the best!

    Nan Parks 

    Published on July 30, 2020