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    Couple Facing Second Marriage Challenges with Grace and Integrity

    reverendI recently met with 2 women who have asked me to marry them this fall. Presently, they live apart—Catherine lives in the Sacramento area, and Kit lives in Texas. They both have long-established careers and good jobs where they are now living. They have been together as a couple for several years, and it has been an interesting journey to this marriage.

    They fell in love soon after meeting, and knew they were each other’s true soul partner. At the same time there are some complications to be gotten through before they can reach this wonderful place, at last, where they can fully commit to a lifetime together.

    It’s a second marriage for both of them, and each has children. While their kids are all grown up, Kit is now raising her 2 grandsons, so it’s not quite the simple thing of a couple of “empty-nesters” pulling up roots and moving halfway across the country to be together. Not only is Kit planning to move here where Katherine’s job is, but she also has to deal with her grandsons’ father and his second wife, who want the boys to stay in Texas. This is despite the fact that Kit has raised both boys from infancy and they are now 12 and 14. So there are both emotional and legal challenges that will not be simple to resolve. And yet, being the people Kit and Catherine are, they are not willing to play hardball, dragging the boys through the court system and possibly causing them great emotional wounding.

    Additionally, Kit has chosen to leave her good job and was able to negotiate a return to her former Bay Area employer to make the move and to keep the family finances on solid footing as she and Catherine begin their new marriage and blended family.

    I spent a little time with Catherine and Kit, discussing these challenges and how they are approaching all of this. Of course, both women are used to “steps.” Catherine’s children all have other stepparents and stepsiblings, and then there are always the in-laws from past relationships.

    I eventually came to realize that these two women are handling this circuitous journey with grace and integrity. They are getting advice and guidance on every step of the journey, and working with (rather than against) Kit’s grandsons’ father and stepmother to create a healthy loving and mutually acceptable plan for the boys’ lives. It does help that both women are devout in their Christina