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    How to Feel More Confident About Lesbian Dating

    By Dr. Frankie Bashan–

    Dear Dr. Frankie,

    I’m now single and putting myself out there in the dating scene. My problem is that I can’t seem to find the type of women I’m interested in—I want to meet professional lesbians. Someone professional, well-rounded and successful. I work as a financial analyst, I love to work out, I’m financially responsible, I have a graduate degree, strong values and I don’t fancy any drugs, except for the occasional drink in a social setting. (You’ve just described the woman we all want to meet. I’ve written about this before in this column and on my website.)

    I find that many of the women I date aren’t settled, really don’t know what they want to do with their lives and often have some sort of substance abuse issue. I want to meet a professional lesbian because chances are, they know what they want. My friends have also told me that I need someone with a good career. I agree, but I can’t seem to find them. Do you have any advice or general suggestions on what I should change about my approach towards dating so that I can find this type of woman? Any advice or thoughts you can offer would be great.
    Dear Professional Lesbian Lover:

    My first question: Where are you looking? Consider what type of places you are meeting women.

    Without making sweeping generalizations, I have noticed that many career-oriented, professional women tend to be very physically active. You might find them at a cycling club, CrossFit, boot camps, Sierra hiking clubs, etc. I know some incredible women who take sailing classes and play on recreational soccer teams. My ex-partner played in a large San Francisco-based women’s league and half of her teammates graduated from Ivy League universities. There were lawyers, engineers, graduate students and doctors on her team. Who knew?! A sport or physical activity might be a good place to start your quest for higher caliber women while learning a new sport at the same time.

    Many driven, professional women are often politically minded and politically active. Quite a few donate their time and or money to support lesbian rights. Many of these women attend events associated with the National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR), Golden Gate Business Association (GGBA, see page 13) Human Rights Commission (HRC), and numerous community galas such as those for the San Francisco LGBT Center. Although the tickets can be pricey, make sure to attend these annual events. Aside from supporting a great cause, the women at those events tend to be more established and professional.

    I also suggest looking into the professional clubs and organizations in your area. What about book clubs or a gourmet cooking class? Are there any networking events that would draw like-minded women in your field or similar industries? Thinking ahead, if you meet an attractive woman at one of these events and can’t tell if she’s gay, give her your card anyway and see if there’s potential. You don’t have anything to lose, and at the very least, you will gain another business contact.
    Take a marketing approach to your love life. For example, figuring out your target market is at the center of every business. Who is the type of person that needs the services that your business offers and where do they shop, work out, read a magazine and/or eat brunch? The same can be said for meeting a professional lesbian. If you’re attracted to sporty women who play group sports on the weekends, you better find yourself a local recreational softball league and start hanging out at their games. Or, maybe you respond to more creative types who own their own businesses. Join a MeetUp with the same focus. You don’t have to be blunt about your intentions; just attend an event and casually get to know others there.

    Meeting professional women is the one thing that my clients ask me about. You’re not alone. There are many, many women who want to meet you and they are just waiting to find you. But, like you, they live busy lives. It’s why I do what I do and it’s the main reason I host Lesbian/Bi Single Mingles. Professional lesbians are terrible at meeting each other! So, don’t lose faith. Keep putting yourself out there and let me know how it goes.

    Good luck.

    Dr. Frankie Bashan is a psychologist, matchmaker and relationship guru who has been using her psychology background combined with technology and personalized algorithms to successfully match lesbian couples nationwide. As the founder of Little Gay Book, the only exclusively lesbian/bi matchmaking agency in the U.S., she helps women in every state to find authentic, healthy, righteous, full-blown love and she knows what makes relationships tick. For more info: