Dr. Frankie: The Lesbian Love Doctor–
By Dr. Frankie Bashan–
(Editor’s Note: To coincide with the launch of our new dating service (https://baytimesdating.com/) we are introducing two new columnists with extensive expertise in matchmaking. Recently we told you about Scott Tsui, whose second article in his column series “Lonely No More” is featured in this issue. This issue also marks the start of Dr. Frankie Bashan’s new column, “Dr. Frankie: The Lesbian Love Doctor.” Whether you are seeking new friends or your soul mate—or maybe both—Scott, Dr. Frankie and Bay Times Dating can help.)
As a lesbian matchmaker and psychologist, I talk to a lot of women. Whether it’s at a speed dating event, during a consultation or as a matchmaking client, these women are successful, funny, talented, healthy and lacking one thing: a partner. They hail from a variety of situations. In many instances, their work is too demanding to allow time to search for a match, they’ve been single for a period of time and want some professional assistance, or they simply want to widen their social network.
Whatever the circumstances, these women tell me the same thing—regardless of their identity, they all want the exact same attributes in a partner:
“She should have a sense of humor, a sense of fun, be healthy, have passion about something in her life, be able to go out and do things, but also be happy staying home and watching movies. She should be a superb conversationalist, have emotional intelligence, be financially secure, not have a drug problem and enjoy a glass of wine from time to time.”
Sound like your perfect match? She is! Nearly all of the women I talk to describe their perfect match as this person.
The good news? She exists! She’s right in front of you. She’s the woman at the bar with long hair, waiting patiently for you to pick her up. She’s the quiet nerdy girl at the cafe, typing furiously on her computer, or she’s the professional on the bus, sitting next to you reading the newspaper. She’s right here, where you are standing. She wants to meet you just as much as you want to meet her. I therefore founded Little Gay Book with one mission: to bring women together.
In 2001, I started my private psychology practice and noticed a pattern. Single lesbian/bi women and lesbian couples faced an array of challenges in their personal lives and yearned for solid, practical solutions to attain their relationship goals. I knew I was good at reading people and I wanted to do more for the community.
Little Gay Book brings women together through full-service matchmaking. As we say: “We find the woman of your dreams, so you don’t have to.” We also provide Single Mingles for Lesbian & Bi Women in several U.S. cities, and offer individual therapy or coaching sessions focused on an individual’s specific needs and situation. My team of matchmakers are all over the U.S. and put considerable effort into arranging matches for our matchmaking clients. We take on only 10–15 women a year because we want to nurture our client relationships and truly get to know the women we work with so that we can effectively introduce them to high-quality matches whom they might never have met without our intervention.
Our “Lesbian/Bi Single Mingles” are particularly successful because dating is a numbers game. While that might sound harsh in regard to matters of the heart, it’s a simple reminder: If you want to find a partner, you have to kiss a lot of frogs. You have to go on a lot of dates with people you might not necessarily be attracted to or don’t know much about. We use a very basic, yet effective, texting technology that matches you with more women who fit your preferences.
For example, if you’re a woman in her 40s wanting to meet other women in her 40s, our system will have you meeting those women first, before it puts you on dates with women in their 30s. We’ve found there’s a lot of fun in the awkwardness of meeting strangers. You meet someone new, listen to her story and maybe walk out with a new friend. Or, if you’re lucky, you’ll get a second date and the rest is up to you.
I’ve found that many women have been “educated in romance,” and have a bad routine of believing dating should be an “organic” experience that “just happens,” without any effort or intention. That’s a delusional view and one that I work hard to dispel. Lesbians spend more time finding a compatible vehicle to drive than a compatible partner to love.
The truth is, we all want the same thing in life: to love and be loved. We all want to come home to a person who might hate our music but still loves our heart. Humans have an infinite capacity for love and it’s my job is to guide you on the right path—via speed dating, coaching, matchmaking or simply advice on my website.
If we allow ourselves to be truly present to the dating process—to grow and understand that we all want the same things—we become less guarded, more aware, more open, and, ultimately, more loving. I am your Lesbian Love Dr.
Dr. Frankie Bashan is a psychologist, matchmaker and relationship guru who has been using her psychology background combined with technology and personalized algorithms to successfully match lesbian couples nationwide. As the founder of Little Gay Book, the only exclusively lesbian/bi matchmaking agency in the U.S., she helps women in every state to find authentic, healthy, righteous, full-blown love and she knows what makes relationships tick. For more info: https://www.littlegaybook.com/
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