By Brandon Miller—
There’s a version of my journey to parenthood that sounds very put-together: I flew to Missouri, met my baby twins, and flew home—beautiful, seamless, and the kind of thing you post on Instagram with a tasteful filter.
Here’s the real version: A flu outbreak grounded us, and we ended up cramming two newborns and my mother into a rented RV and driving from Missouri to San Francisco in the dead of January. It was not in my birthing plan, and I’m being generous when I call it chaotic.
At some point, I just let go. We stopped at the Grand Canyon, and I stood there with a baby in each arm, looking out at something so vast it made the chaos of the last 48 hours disappear. These were the humans I’d been dreaming about, planning for, losing sleep over, and they were finally here, completely unbothered by the mess it took to get them home.
That’s surrogacy. You sign up for one experience and get a completely different one, and somehow the detours end up being the stories that stick with you forever. I’ve been through it once, I’m doing it again, and, if you’re considering it, I want to share what I wish someone had told me.
Building Your Birthing Plan
The sticker shock of surrogacy is real, and I’m not going to sugarcoat that. But what most people don’t realize is just how much range exists, and how your approach translates directly into cost.
Full-service boutique agencies will manage every piece of the experience for you: matching you with a surrogate, coordinating the legal work, booking your travel, and handling communication. You’re essentially hiring a concierge service. My first time, that’s the route we took, and it was worth every penny for the peace of mind. It was also, by a wide margin, the more expensive path.
This time around, my partner is running the whole operation, coordinating the donor, surrogate, attorneys, and logistics. It is more work, yes, but meaningfully less expensive.
The Real Costs of Surrogacy
The egg donor is usually where people’s jaws drop. Legally, you can’t sell human tissue, so it’s always framed as a “suggested donation,” but those suggestions can range from a few thousand dollars to well into six figures depending on the donor. It gets very clear very fast that money opens certain doors in this process.
Beyond the donor, you’re covering the surrogate’s compensation during the months she can’t work, specialized medical insurance just for the birth (a niche product with niche pricing, because of course), and legal fees to protect everyone involved.
Your surrogate will most likely live in another city, possibly another state, which means flights for ultrasounds and eventually the birth itself. None of these are optional, and all of them add up in ways that surprise people.
Then there’s the variability, which is the part that really catches families off guard. Some people are matched and pregnant within months. Others spend years working through failed embryo transfers, new donors, and second or third attempts. That’s why building real flexibility into the budget from the beginning matters so much.
Congratulations, It’s a Spreadsheet
At Brio, we don’t just map out what the surrogacy will cost. We map out what parenthood will cost, because the surrogacy is just the opening chapter.
One couple comes to mind who didn’t have the kind of income where this felt casual. We modeled everything: the surrogacy, schooling, the financial impact of one parent stepping back from work, childcare, college, and what would happen if they relocated to the suburbs.
When they saw it all laid out, their first reaction was exactly what you’d expect: “This is absurd. Why would anyone have kids?” And I get that. Staring at the spreadsheet, it does look absurd. But then they sat with it, looked at each other, and said, “This is what we want. We’ll figure it out.” So, we built a financial plan that turned into something real, with actual numbers and a timeline they could trust.
The Heart of the Whole Thing
I’ll be honest with you: nobody becomes a parent because the numbers make sense. Surrogacy just forces you to confront the cost a little earlier than most people do, which can feel overwhelming. But it can also be a gift, because it means you go into this with your eyes open and a plan in place.
At some point, you have to let the emotion lead. The sacrifices are also what make the whole thing mean something. The late nights, budget conversations, and smelly RVs all become part of the story. And the moment you hold that baby for the first time, every dollar or detour disappears.
The spreadsheet is our job. The dreaming is yours. To get started, book a complimentary Make It Happen meeting at https://bit.ly/4nBIkdi
This material presented by Brio Financial Group (“Brio”) is for informational purposes only and is not intended to serve as a substitute for personalized investment advice or as a recommendation or solicitation of any particular security, strategy, or investment product. Facts presented have been obtained from sources believed to be reliable, however, Brio cannot guarantee the accuracy or completeness of such information, and certain information presented here may have been condensed or summarized from its original source. This information may contain certain statements that may be deemed forward-looking statements. Please note that any such statements are not guarantees of any future performance, and actual results or developments may differ materially from those discussed. No investor should assume future performance will be profitable or equal the previous reflected performance. Any reference to an index is included for illustrative purposes only, as an index is not a security in which an investment can be made. They are unmanaged vehicles that serve as market indicators and do not account for the deduction of management fees and/or transaction costs generally associated with investable products. The S&P 500 Total Return Index represents U.S. stock returns. This includes 500 leading companies in the U.S. and is widely regarded as the best single gauge of large-cap U.S. equities, where dividends are reinvested. The holdings and performance of Brio client accounts may vary widely from those of the presented indices. Brio does not provide legal or tax advice, and nothing contained in these materials should be taken as legal or tax advice. Advisory services are only offered to clients or prospective clients where Brio and its representatives are properly licensed or exempt from licensure. No advice may be rendered by Brio Financial Group unless a client service agreement is in place. For more information about our advisory services and fees, please refer to our ADV brochure found at https://adviserinfo.sec.gov/
Brandon Miller, CFP®, is a financial consultant at Brio Financial Group in San Francisco, specializing in helping LGBT individuals and families plan and achieve their financial goals. For more information: https://www.briofg.com/
Money Matters
Published on May 21, 2026
Recent Comments